WE ARE WARRIORS (CHAPTER. 3)

Written by Andi Bazaar, Co-wrote by Clayton-Euridicé Schofield | Nov 6, 2022

There are millions all around us in our families, friend groups, communities right now going through depression. They may not show it, they may be the person who just stopped responding and we are frustrated because of that, it can be anyone. It is okay to ask how someone is.

With the holiday season approaching in many places and winter, this can also be an isolating time for people who are struggling with depression. Let’s write a comprehensive thread on depression, how it can manifest or helping those going through it and treatment.

Depression is by far the most common mental health struggle. However, there are also a lot of myths surrounding it that can make it difficult for people to reach out for help or for us to realize when a loved one is going through depression further trapping people in the cycle.

Sadness is not a requirement for depression. In fact, we can have clinical depression without expressing sadness. Depression usually impacts several areas of our life from our eating, sleeping, social withdrawal, feeling numb or angry, low energy, etc.

It is such a broad experience and very much an individual way in which each of us experiences depression that we often feel very isolated when we experience it, we feel as though we are not understood because there is that barrier between our emotions and the world around us.

Furthermore, we operate heavily on energy. When most of our energy is going towards overthinking, trying to make sense of our emotions we are often left with no energy for our regular tasks. We may feel as though simple everyday activities are too much to bear.

For example, we may realize we haven’t showered in a while but also can’t bring ourselves to do it because the task seems to require too much energy. We may stop replying to friends or family not because we don’t miss them or want them around but because there is no energy left.

However, this only strengthens the symptoms we are experiencing. It is a cycle that can leave us feeling worthless, as if our life is on pause while everyone else’s is moving forward. For every activity that is procrastinated, we feel a little guiltier and harder on ourselves.

People around us often fail to understand what it is like going through depression and while meaning well can often make the situation worse. For example, they may use tough love strategies where they force us to get up or guilt us into going out or engaging in activities.

Not only can it be harmful but it may lead to worsening symptoms when the person feels unable to do these activities, the guilt is a fuel to our symptoms and when people around us be it loved ones, employers or society as a whole dismiss our symptoms, it traps us more.

The problem with depression is that it is also hard to find a community that helps us, those going through their own depression are also feeling isolated and cannot help. Those who may not have gone through it may not understand and completely lose patience after a while.

Getting help is a barrier even more so when living in countries where there are additional hurdles to getting help such as a lack of resources and a high stigma of mental health issues. Therefore, even though we may be aware that we can technically get help it is hard to start.

AS LOVED ONES, WHAT CAN WE DO?

While it may be tempting to take over the life of the person who is struggling and try to get them up and being productive, this can easily backfire. Let’s remember that depression saps energy and forcing or pressuring someone will only make it worse.

We may also start to feel impatient because we may keep hearing the same stuff such as them talking about feeling worthless, that they have failed at life or that they want to stop existing. It can be scary to be on the receiving end of this talk.

We often try to show them that not everything is as it seems or comparing them to other people “others have it worse,” is a common statement made by people who want to help and while it can come from a place of wanting to help it does not at all.

Depression is something that can happen to anyone and at anytime even if on the outside, their life may seem to be going well. What we don’t realize is that depression doesn’t comme suddenly, it is usually a gradual process that we notice when it is very entrenched.

For example, we may only go through a few bad days here and there and end up procrastinating a few projects. We may withdraw just a little bit more from our social activities and it is so gradual that we don’t really notice it at first, nor do our loved ones.

This is especially true because a lot of people are scared to apply the label of depression to themselves, they may feel like it is not bad enough yet to be depression or that it is another issue entirely therefore making it more likely to wait longer before getting help.

It is important to remember that all the emotions we carry have a price, especially when we don’t process them or express them. For example, if I go through many stressors, anxiety and just keep it bottled up, depression is bound to happen because we have run out of bandwidth.

While we may look back at the short term and realize that nothing much has changed in our life circumstances, we often don’t realize the years or decades that it took for us to get there. Depression can happen on its own but it can also be a consequence of other issues.

For example, experiencing a lot of anxiety or trauma can drain us overtime and depression may start to appear as we start to feel more hopeless or helpless. Changing seasons can also trigger strong bouts of depression, anniversaries of tragic or traumatic events can be triggers.

So what can we do when going through depression and what can we do to properly help someone going through depression?

First of all, it is important to realize from the beginning that every person is different and therefore their experience of depression will be different.

Some people may get irritated more while other people may simply stop talking or participating in any conversation. For others, the depression may be there but they seem to be going through their life as though nothing is happening.

The most important help is fostering an environment in our relationships where people can feel safe expressing emotions, it is important to remember that while depression can be isolating, there is still that urge to be loved and included. People with depression will drop hints.

The hints can look like:

• “i am tired of all this"
• “life isn’t really worth i"
• “what’s the point?”
• “i feel like i am a failure” etc.

Truly listening to our loved ones helps a lot because we will notice this talk emerging and can actually help when we notice those first signs.

Empathy is also a great way to bond with people experiencing depression and showing them that we are there for them, empathy being key here because pity and other types of emotions can actually be condescending to those who are suffering usually needing to put them down.

Employing empathy is the best way to connect with someone where they may not feel inferior or as though they are burdening us, when people feel others around are displaying pity it can make them feel even more isolated and less likely to get help

Let’s also remember that because depression takes away all our energy, we may need to help in very tangible ways. We can ask them if it is okay if we help them find a therapist or if we can call to make an appointment with the doctor, we may need to go with them when it is set.

We may need to help with food, cleaning or pet care because they do not have the energy to do this on their own. The most important way that we can help is to simply let the person who is struggling know that we are here to help and let them choose when they need us.

If you are going through depression, please know that there are solutions and that it is not a permanent way that you will experience life. There are many forms of therapy and many medications that can help alleviate these symptoms, using coping strategies will also be important.

For example, we can challenge our harmful thoughts because they are often thinking traps that become cycles in our minds. For example, we may experience “all or nothing thinking,” where we feel that if something is not really good then it is really bad.

We may catastrophize, meaning we take something real that happened to us but add more to the situation to the point of self-loathing. We may engage in mind reading, where we feel that we know what people are thinking about us and that it is negative towards us.

The more aware we are of these traps, the more likely we are to challenge them and realize that they are a product of our depression rather than something that we “truly” believe. It is also important to admit we need help, there is no need to go through this alone.

Finding a trusted person that we can share with, journal emotions or talking out loud even to ourselves can help a lot untangle all that mess in our thoughts which is a great start towards compartmentalizing everything. Furthermore, we don’t need to wait until it gets too bad.

We can absolutely go to the doctor when we start noticing the signs and not wait until a certain threshold, it is okay to go even when the symptoms are mild because it can be a great way of preventing it from getting worse but even if it is severe we can get out of it.

There are millions all around us in our families, friend groups, communities right now going through depression. They may not show it, they may be the person who just stopped responding and we are frustrated because of that, it can be anyone. It is okay to ask how someone is.

To those reading this who are going through an episode of depression, please know that there are resources out there and people who can help. You deserve to be happy and lead a good quality of life, you can slowly start to reach out to people around and ask them to help.

I hope that this long thread helped shed more light on depression and how it can manifest, how we can help and ways to avoid making things worse. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Love x

A SPECIAL THANKS TO:

• Dr Oliver Schofield, MD (Consulting)
• Dr Seth Gryffen, MD (Consulting)
• Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Co-wrote/Editor/Journalist)
• Timothée Freimann schofield (Photographed)
• Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
• Shot at GQ’s Studios by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph