Trapped In Mental Anguish — Chapter. 1
Written by Andi Bazaar & Co-wrote by Oliver Schofield Tydalé | July 22, 2022
A TRIGGER WARNING: “Complete mental exhaustion from fighting your brain constantly, this can lead to lack of concentration, forgetfulness, chronic fatigue, missing deadlines and higher susceptibility to physical illness.”
SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION THAT NO-ONE TALK ABOUT
1. Dissociation.
Feeling like you’re moving through life but aren’t really there, things just happen around you but they don’t feel real.
a) feeling detached from your body.
b) feeling like you’re watching yourself from the outside.
c) feeling disconnected and numb. Nothing feels real.
Just the thought of living seems impossible, it takes a huge amount of physical energy and mental effort to get through each day, so just waking up in the morning and being faced with yet another day feels soul-destroying.
Engaging in behaviour which isn’t obviously self-destructive but long-term may be for example: drinking too much too often, putting yourself in unsafe situations, having unprotected sex, spending a lot of money, making impulsive decisions.
THE PHYSICAL EFFECTS OF DEPRESSION.
a) stomach pain.
b) throbbing headaches.
c) lack of appetite.
d) missing your period.
e) constipation/diarrhoea.
f) chronic fatigue.
g) nausea.
h) weight gain or weight loss.
i) every part of your body aching.
j) insomnia.
2. AN OVERWHELMING SENSE OF SHAME.
This may be from feeling judged by other people, from not being able to accomplish the things you normally can, from struggling with personal hygiene or keeping your environment tidy or from feeling like a failure. Feeling unable to concentrate on anything so you just lie on your bed or scrolling through social media because you can’t concentrate, willing for the hours to go past quickly so the day can end.
3. GUILT.
Perhaps this is from struggling to keep up with other people’s demands orexpectations or feeling you are letting others down by cancelling on them or not being able to do what you said you would.
a) feeling like you have to pretend everything is fine.
b) getting dressed up.
c) doing your hair and makeup.
d) going out.
e) smiling.
f) acting like nothing is wrong.
g) someone asking you if you’re doing okay and you saying ‘I’m fine.’
h) knowing that you’re back in that place again, but not knowing how you can possibly change that.
i) knowing what helps you feel better but not having the energy to be able to do those things.
4. AN INABILITY TO EVEN THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE, LET ALONE PLAN FOR IT.
Perhaps you are now living in the future you didn’t think would ever exist and that makes everything feel unreal. Perhaps you can’t see yourself making it another day, so planning ahead seems impossible. Your room or house getting disgustingly messy because you don’t have the energy to make your bed let alone empty the bins.
5. ANGER AT YOURSELF.
a) because you feel like you’re wasting valuable time.
b) you want to be able to fix things but can’t.
c) you can’t explain to someone else why you’re feeling the way you are.
d) because you feel like your progress has all gone.
My research as a critical suicidologist means I often critique nonconsensual (carceral) psychiatric care, lots of people have asked what I recommend as an alternative.
First of all, this is a fantastic question! While we critique oppressive systems, we also need to build and support better alternatives. Here are some ideas:
1. When it comes to mandated reporting in schools, we can follow the lead of recent shifts in sexual violence reporting procedures. Instead of always involving police or formal reports, most colleges now simply reach out to the student with a list of potential resources.
These include easy to discern info about confidentiality and precisely what each resource can do for the student, as well as the potential ramifications of those resources. This includes engaging hospitals, police, housing departments, counseling, LGBTQIA+ centers and more.
We could do something very similar for people in mental health crises, if they disclose that they're struggling to a mandated reporter they should be presented with transparent resources that clearly outline multiple paths forward. That choice and agency is crucial.
Those resources should also be presented to all students/staff/faculty as part of training, just like sexual violence resources. We should have an awareness of our options as early as possible then we also know options for supporting others.
This format could be applied to suicide crisis websites (government and otherwise), as well as hotlines. For example, callers could be emailed or texted transparent resource lists with or info on consent and ramifications also there should be webpages with this info easily accessible.
• NOTE:
This doesn't mean all colleges are doing sexual violence resource sharing perfectly but some have produced a model that I believe has powerful potential for mental health resources.
2. For folks with known mental health issues, having a psychiatric advanced directive is a great idea. You can work with a friend or trusted professional to create a plan for what types of treatment you want and don't want in a time of crisis.
I think it's great for most people to have one of these plans, we can create them when not in crisis so we can understand our options before a crisis comes. It's also a great space to have open conversations with loved ones about our values and concerns with treatment.
Similar plans can involve things outside medical care as well, for example a list of loved ones to call, a list of activities that make you feel grounded, travel funding to get to loved ones, a list of people who can watch your kids or pets for a few days.
There are so many options, suicidality often stems from feeling trapped in mental anguish, and having multiple doorways out-down on paper can help many people. The key to these plans is to have many possibilities and as much transparency as possible. Agency is crucial.
3. We need more crisis lines that are (truly confidential) if people can be truly honest with someone over the phone without fear of nonconsensual interventions that's a huge step. No one should have to call a suicide hotline trying to edit what they say to avoid police and other nonconsensual interventions.
These hotline volunteers or workers would still be able to call emergency services for a person if (and only if) that person requests it but if they caller doesn’t there are tons of other supports the hotline can provide. Many already do this.
In addition to being a compassionate witness, trained crisis workers can help people find resources for things like housing, food insecurity, safe disposal of drugs or firearms, rehab programs, intimate partner violence, financial support, abortion resources and more.
They can help people figure out what kinds of mental healthcare their insurance covers and where to go for it or help people find free clinics and centers for pro-bono services if needed. Most of these resources can help a suicidal person out of a crisis far better than police showing up at the caller's home or work without their consent.
Overall, we need more funding in anti-carceral care systems, more consent and agency in mental healthcare plus more resources for changing the conditions that drive people toward suicide.
“we need to build more habitable worlds for suicidal people, not punish them for wanting to die.”
988 is the new dialing code for mental health emergencies in the US, what everyone needs to know about 988?
1. WHAT IS 988?
It's a number you can call or text when you're in a mental health crisis like 911, it's a shortcut to get to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL) and it's available 24/7 in English and Spanish plus "it's free."
• visit here
988lifeline.org
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL) has a network of local crisis call centers around the country, when you call 988 you'll be automatically routed to your local center which will know what local services are available to you. Once you're connected, you'll talk with a crisis counselor who'll talk through your crisis with you and try to keep you safe. For most callers, this conversation is enough. For some callers, the counselor may need to bring in local services.
2. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL JULY 16TH!
The official deadline for all phone carriers to activate 988 is 7/16/22 but the big cell carriers activated it in 2020 and 2021. So you can dial 988 with your cell now and text isn't fully activated though.
3. WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT 988?
Mental health advocates have pushed for a phone number that's easy to remember when you're in crisis, remember when Logic released his song "1-800-273-8255" (the NSPL) in 2017, calls to the NSPL increased dramatically. 988 may do the same plus 988 is a better option than using 911 and cops that don't know how to handle mental health crises. Studies also indicate that speaking with a crisis counselor saves lives.
So more calls = fewer people dying by suicide. Right?
• visit here
onlinelibrary.wiley.com
4. EXPERTS ARE WORRIED THAT WE'RE NOT READY FOR 988.
According to the “The New York Times,” crisis callers abandon 1 in 6 calls to the NSPL often because the wait is too long.
• link article
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/13/us/suicide-hotline-mental-health-988.html
The NSPL expects the # of calls to at least double in the first year that 988 is fully rolled out from 3.5 million to 6 million per year (on the low end!).
• download file here
https://t.co/1gJ9ynhHYa
The other worry is that callers in the greatest crisis will not have local resources available that's because the mental health system is underfunded including (esp?) crisis care. Without crisis care services counselors may end up calling 911 anyway.
• download file here
https://t.co/NCccWVAcxR
5. PEOPLE ARE WORKING ON ALL OF THESE ISSUES!
States are working on local policy and funding to boost services.
• link article
https://www.nashp.org/state-legislation-to-fund-and-implement-988-for-the-national-suicide-prevention-lifeline/
The Biden administration has allocated $282 million toward 988 including $105 million in funding for states and territories to improve local crisis services.
• link article
https://edition.cnn.com/2022/06/18/politics/988-suicide-prevention-lifeline-groups-express-concern/index.html
6. 988/NSPL IS NOT THE ONLY CRISIS LINE YOU CAN CALL.
Other options include:
1) @TrevorProject Lifeline: 866-488-7386
2) @TransLifeline: 877-565-8860
3) @BlackLine: 800-604-5841
4) @CrisisTextLine: text HOME to 741741
7. YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
Some things you can do, donate to your local crisis center, engage in advocacy and volunteer as a crisis counselor and please let people know about 988. It’s not a perfect system but for someone in crisis that number can save their life, they’ll talk to a counselor that can help and they won’t be at the mercy of 911 and cops who aren’t properly trained to help.
Lastly, you can text 988 with T-Mobile service. Anyone with Verizon or ATT able to confirm those are live too? Yes.
to be continued…
A SPECIAL THANKS TO:
- Dr Oliver Schofield, MD (Co-wrote)
- Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
- Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Journalist/Consulting)
- Timothée Freimann schofield (Photographed)
- Style & GQ’s Studio by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph
- In appearance by Jwan Höffler Conwall
- In collaboration with The Me: You Can’t See
