Timeless: Live In Immerse Pain (Chapter. 2)

Written by Andi Bazaar, Co-wrote by Scott Wynnes Schofield, Gryffen Seth and Tydalé-Oliver Schofield | June 11, 2023

It is infuriating when people say “think positive thoughts” when mental health isn’t doing well, it is dismissive or stigmatizing to reduce real illnesses that impact all aspects of quality of life to this. It is not a lack of positive thinking that leads to mental health issues.

Everyone will go through mental health issues at some point in their life, developing and fostering empathy in our social circle when things are well goes a long way towards having strong support when our mental health suffers.

At the early of February, I went through a break up and received results of my blood work indicating I had prediabetes and high cholesterol. 45 kilos lost and 8 months later, I have noticed differences in how I was treated pre and post weight loss.

I catalogued a lot of it purely out of psychological curiosity but I didn’t realize how massive people’s perception of me changed, simply because I lost weight. This is not a judgment or even bitterness towards it, but a phenomenon of physical appearance that is so deep rooted.

First of all, I am no longer invisible to strangers. Saying this as a 185cm and used to be 135 kilos, I was invisible to people, interactions with strangers would be short/distant. There was an element of surprise if people knew the job I did as if my body didn’t fit with what it

I was taken less seriously in different presentations I made or activities I participated in, there was an assumption of laziness that was the opposite of what was happening. I actually worked too hard responding to the mental health crisis during the pandemic.

That led to a lot of stress eating and having food as a reward system rather than nutrition but it seemed hard to believe for most people that I was working hard. The main assumption was that I did the bare minimum, even coming from some of my colleagues.

As I lost weight, somehow people started seeing me as more competent and more hard working which was not true at all given that I had to reduce my workload to better care for myself. People started engaging in conversations more and wanting me to be around.

There would be way more flirting and asking me out, which didn’t happen before. It does create a big dilemma in my mind, where there is that hesitation of whether it is because of me that I was asked out or the difference in how my body looked.

People started helping me out more even when I didn’t need it, if I was seen struggling with a task or even really concentrated on something people would be quick to help and be friendly. Another very important change I noticed was “touch”

Despite the pandemic, people are more likely to give taps on the shoulder, hugs, etc which didn’t happen in the few years when I was medically obese. I knew through psych research that there are big differences in how we treat people we perceive as more “attractive” but experiencing both worlds first hand in such a short amount of time has been eye opening and yet very unsettling at the same time, the good thing is that friends, clients and most of my colleagues never treated me differently and were encouraging either way.

It is the world at large and the small interactions at stores, coffee shops, pubs, etc that truly shocked me the most. Adjusting to such different worlds can be difficult because there can create a lot of doubt about human interactions.

In a big sense, I am deeply privileged. I didn’t have medical issues that could stop me from losing weight and going back to exercising, I was athletic most of my life which meant a lot of muscle memory when I started exercising again.

And as a man, I was still less judged on my appearance than women would be. Going through this experience has made me even more aware about how difficult it can be for those who can’t go through this easily whether because of socioeconomic or medical issues.

I hope that our perceptions will change about this soon because throughout the history of humanity, there wasn’t a lot of judgment based on body type. It is quite recent in our history, journaling about this journey and processing it has been a confusing endeavour.

“Mental health stigma hurts people everyday, from those who can’t tell their loved ones they are struggling for fear of being judged to those who don’t feel safe taking a sick day at work for mental health reasons. Stigma isolates those who are already struggling alone.”

When systems and families put barriers on something this important, it can easily make people turn to self medicating, abusing substances or finding coping mechanisms that are unhealthy. We cannot continue to fail those who struggle from something that is out of their control.

There are many ways to recover from mental health struggles. For some, it may mean meds long term, for others it may mean going to therapy every month to externalize and solve issues, etc. As long as quality of life improves, it is a win. There are solutions for everyone.

We can still have low grade anxiety that impacts our physical health/trigger those symptoms without going through panic/anxiety attacks. If you feel restless, have a hard time concentrating or go through periods of strong exhaustion, it may be fueled by that low grade anxiety.

I want to talk about medication stigma and why it is so big in our culture, given that most of our families have a pharmacy in their homes for every ailment imaginable and why are meds for mental health so rejected? Let’s take a look.

First of all, when we are prescribed medications for something it becomes more real even with therapy our loved ones can simply convince themselves that we are going for self-improvement or an indulgence of the person attending therapy. The denial can continue.

It is much harder to continue that denial when meds are involved, it makes it more real and it also makes it more physical. Parents and loved ones cannot deny that as easily. Therefore, it is much easier to simply refuse it or try to stop people from trying it.

Then we have the argument that it is addictive, that’s because they may see online or in some people that they may take it for years but that’s not because it is addictive it is because it may be needed for that long. It is easier to simplify and say it is addictive.

The stigma is also an avoidance in terms of taking responsibility, if you recognize that your child needs meds in order to get better and you were a big source of that, then it becomes harder to deny it. That guilt can be too much to deal with.

Then there is the fear of others we are scared that the person taking meds may run into neighbours, extended family, members of the community when they go to the pharmacy or if the meds are just visible in the house because then others may judge us.

Fear of being judged can be very powerful especially in our culture, where what the group thinks of us can matter so much but denying a loved one an opportunity to get better simply to keep face is not a good reason. Medications literally save lives.

Then there is the responsibility that healthcare providers have, so many of them believe in that stigma and try to sway people who may needs meds away from them especially if they haven’t received adequate mental health training in their medical degree.

We all have relatives who are doctors and some of them may be too ignorant about mental health to give it much importance, they may be less likely to give medications as options because to them it likely much less important.

There are so many other factors that can contribute to this stigma but these ones are what I encountered the most when it comes to reasons why people were discouraged to explore medications to improve their mental health.

While it is true that meds may not be for everyone and that just like everything else, there are pros and a few cons, it can be lifesaving and help us get out of severe mental health issues, allowing us to function enough to get therapy and go back to work/school.

Let’s talk about procrastination and how it relates to mental health, it is by far in the top of what bothers people the most when it relates to their mental health. It impacts everything we do including our daily habits such as hygiene and food, let’s dive deeper!

Procrastination is not a disorder or something that can be “fixed” on its own because it is a consequence of other mental health issues. Pretty much every single mental health concern can show itself through procrastination because it is a matter of energy output.

When we are doing well physically and psychologically, we often don’t realize how much energy it take to get through all the tasks in our day. We take them for granted because they seem so easy, picking up a toothbrush, taking a shower or even stepping outside seem easy.

However when we burnout, suffer from depression, anxiety, trauma, etc most of our energy is diverted to our thoughts/moods/solving what is happening, leaving very little for our daily tasks. This means that we now have to deal with the same routine with much less energy.

Given that it is impossible to do the same things with less resources, our brain tends to prioritize certain things that seem inescapable or essential to survival, leaving out the rest as “non essential” and can be dealt with later.

But, what our mind considers essential may not be the same as what we consider essential. Working a lot, showers, exercise, going to appointments are things we consider essential but may not have the energy for them left.

Rhat phone call to the dentist or replying to a friend seem like impossible tasks because when we are done with what we had to do, there is nothing left in us to give even if we force it a little then we have even less energy for the next day.

Given this constant trap of procrastination, we do what we think is best and that is to hunker down and work harder. After all, I am just being “lazy” and need to focus on my priorities. Right? Nope, that is exactly the opposite of what we need to do.

Yes, society and family may call us lazy, incompetent, but this is simply not true. Laziness does not exist, no one who is doing perfectly well just chooses to do nothing. So we feel shamed into action, we may go into overdrive for a few days, a few weeks but then we crash.

That is because our inherent ambition or wanting to do something was never the issue, we borrowed even more energy when the bank was very depleted. We didn’t turn our attention to where it was needed? That is our mental health, the cause of what triggered this lack of energy.

Basically, if we don’t solve the cause we can’t solve the consequence. Procrastination is the consequence, the cause is the culprit that is keeping us low/doesn’t allow us to function at our full capacity. Again, it could be any form of mental health or physical health issue.

We need to do an assessment (physical and psychological) to see what is happening and how we can fix it. Most of the time, it would fall under depression/anxiety/burnout category. We need to take care of it, whether it is through meds/therapy/both.

Unfortunately, there is no shortcut. It takes a while to get into the procrastination phase and it will take treatment to get out of it. We have also lived a global traumatic event with the pandemic and the mental health issues from this are still in display now.

The first step is to understand that procrastination is not us being less smart, less capable, worse than our peers, etc. It is not something that we did badly or deserve, when we get frustrated with ourselves or even angry, we entrench ourselves deeper in the cycle.

We need to put more of whatever is left from our energy into our wellbeing and empathy towards ourselves. Yes, that mean being there less for others or that our work may not be optimal, it may mean putting things we find important on hold.

But it is temporary, it is not a sign of weakness or that something is inherently wrong with us. This is the time to accept help and allow others to be there for us, we may need help calling that doctor/therapist or picking up the prescription and that’s okay.

This may go against every instinct and upbringing we have but it is necessary. We are constantly told, don’t be lazy, guilted into action with no regard for our wellbeing and made to be there for others even when we have nothing left to spare but we have to put a stop to it.

Whether those around us understand or not doesn’t change the nature of what we are going through even if we have just one ally or someone helping us through this can make a world of a difference. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, especially if it is someone you trust.

Procrastination is an alarm system that something is wrong, we need to press that pause button and focus on our recovery. In our life of constant action, stressors, and attention, exhaustion is normal and we need that healing in order to take care of ourselves.

I am glad I got to share this with you all, it is not often that I write about my journey but I felt that this could be beneficial. I hope you all have a wonderful week. Love x

A big thank you to the wonderful Mark J. Levstein for asking me to address this topic. Hope you all have a great weekend x

A SPECIAL THANKS TO:

• Andi Bazaar (Writer)
• Yevhn Gertz (Director Photography)
• Dr Oliver Schofield, MD (Consulting)
• Dr Seth Gryffen, MD (Consulting)
• Timothée Freimann schofield (Photographed)
• Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Editor/Journalist)
• Scott Wynné Schofield (Publisher)
• Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
• Jwan Höffler Conwall (Art Interior Design)
• Hugo-licharre Freimann (Ass Director)
• Shot at GQ’s Studios by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph
• In appearance by "Mark J. Levstein" (Model) / Mark J. Levstein
• MHMTID in collaboration with @tmycsuk