The Realities Of Humanity (Chapter. 2)
Written by Andi Bazaar | Aug 28, 2022
Being "the man" can have it's toll on your mental health sometimes, always pretending you're fine (because society "expects" you to be) but deep down wounds fester and cracks appear beneath the surface.
This article speaks to the current state of society in America buy also very applicable to toxic fandoms across the spectrum of interests: "It feels (great) to be angry."
I am going to take issue with this David Brooks, (The Author of "The Road To Character and The Social Animal, Bobos In Paradise) piece because I think Brooks and many others are missing a crucial piece of the puzzle in the "death of truth" and the "unwinding of demcracy problem."
Brooks writes that Trumpers buy Trump's lies "because he tells stories of dispossession that feel true to many of them," and that kids on campuses are intolerant because they "feel entrapped by a moral order that feels unsafe and unjust." Maybe, but that's not the core issue.
What so many intellectuals miss is how bored and listless these people on both the right and left feel and how energizing and *good* it feels to believe the lies, no matter what side they come from. It's ennobling, it's heroic and it's self-actualizing.
Are there "forgotten places" that breed despair? Is the social order unjust? Sure, but mostly the people leading the charges on this stuff aren't the primary victims of the forgetting or the injustice. Middle-income whites and kids on Ivy campuses are not the victims here.
The worst off, most dispossessed in this country don't even *vote* for crying out loud. This is the lashing out of the bored bourgeoisie, not "stories that feel true to them." These are stories they want to be true because it would ennoble their own dull lives to believe it.
We ignore at our peril and yes, this is part of my book's argument. The idea that a bored and affluent middle-class, raised on a steady diet of narcissism and self-actualization are the real danger here. We have to stop making up noble excuses for illiberal ideas.
If you wonder why super-privileged kids or retirees in nice condos are so angry, it's because it feels *great* to be angry. Otherwise, life becomes about getting a job (if you're young) or just accepting the twilight of age. Easy heroism is crack to Americans raised on cable.
None of this denies actual injustices in the world; rather, I'm saying that Brooks is wrong to think more "civic education" or something solves this. It doesn't, you can't educate a morally adrift, affluent and bored public into stocism and tolerance and liberality.
I think one thing that helps this is to stop coddling people who demand you respect their childish anger, be the example you'd like to set. Refuse to accept the terms of debate offered by tantruming children (of any age).
This is where "I think," — Brooks and so many others go wrong. They are taking seriously people who are fundamentally unserious in their objections to modern democracy, they are letting the least serious among us set the parameters of liberalism. This is a grievous error.
Brooks (and many others of us) are right about an epistemic crisis but it's being driven by people with a selfish, emotionally charged need to feel better about themselves, there is no compromising with this because there is no point at which such a need is sated.
This is a bubble that will pop with a lot of people doing dumb stuff and going to jail, others opting out of political life and yet others saying "just keep the wifi on and beer cold." None of this ends well and a bad outcome is not only inevitable but in progress.
If we really want to live the values of the Fourth, a stoic refusal to compromise with the most destructive and selfish of our fellow citizens is a good start, stand for liberal democracy and don't get baited into narratives that only serve dysfunctional emotional purposes.
We seem to be horribly failing the young men of this country, that’s the one commonality in the vast majority of mass shootings. It’s not race or ideology, they’re young males. We are doing absolutely everything wrong when it comes to promoting healthy masculinity, purpose and goodness for these boys and men.
If we really cared, we would be doing everything we can to promote fatherhood, hard work and honor, we’d be getting these boys off the internet and into hobbies and jobs and communities where they can channel their strength. We’d be desperately pushing them toward meaning.
Our denial of innate gender differences, coupled with the demonizing of masculine strength don’t help. There is nothing more dangerous than a man with nothing to do and no one to live for, there is also nothing more beneficial to a community than a man with purpose and love.
It’s much easier to offer meaningless political talking points than it is to reckon with the societal, spiritual rot that’s eroded our foundations and connections and most people don’t see it because they are contributors to the moral deficit our country faces.
Maybe we should all ask;
- what are our churches, schools, organizations, neighborhoods doing to address this problem?
- how are we helping fatherless, purposeless boys?
Many are already doing good work, we can all do more.
There truly has to be a moral revolution: (a radical recalibration of our values, a great awakening for anything to change. Impossible without the grace of God and a whole lot of effort on our part.)
“His neighbor Ruben Flores, 41, said he had a 'pretty rough life' with his mother and that he had tried to be a father figure to the teen.” Fatherlessness is one of the biggest threats we face.
I’m gonna talk about a topic on toxic masculinity in society and how it negatively affects and harms men.
Being "the man" can have it's toll on your mental health sometimes, always pretending you're fine (because society "expects" you to be) but deep down wounds fester and cracks appear beneath the surface.
It's never too long until the cracks manifest themselves through unexpected ways and leave damage not only in your life but others too, the emphasis on masculinity and the facade of 'all is well' without breaking character can become so toxic and so dangerous.
You may say or think that all is fine or you'll deal with it later but there are definitely issues in the deep recesses of your mind and heart that plague you, you really need to talk things through with someone.
I have come across men dealing with weights too heavy to bear alone, but still they do in silence. I've asked myself "How are they still functioning?" but still they do, still they must. They don't see other men talking about mental health, so they avoid talking about it too.
Unemployment:
- struggles to be successful
- struggles for someone to find value in you
issues with anxiety - stress, depression, drugs, alcohol, religion, marriage, divorce, family, work, finance, health.... the list is endless
You shouldn't be embarrassed, feel you will be seen as weak or think you'll be a burden. It is wise to admit when you need support, talking about your personal issues and struggles with someone doesn't make you less of a man — it makes you more of one.
“there are a lot of disaffected young men out there, patriarchy sold them a lie based on entitlement and now they are lashing out in anger.”
- when male entitlement doesn’t manifest in what men feel they’re owed, some men turn to misogyny, self-harm or occasionally acts of violence.
- when the promises of hegemonic masculinity fail to deliver for these men, instead of rejecting it they double down on the most toxic parts.
Those men who harm others must be held accountable but the feelings of confusion and isolation are real and can be a catalyst for change.
I always think of this bell hooks quote when trying to remain compassionate towards those men who are lashing out:
We want boys to grow up to be considerate, self-controlled and respectful to women but society is not giving them the tools to develop those qualities. Then we are shocked when young men engage in toxic behavior.
A SPECIAL THANKS TO:
- Dr Oliver Schofield (Consulting)
- Dr Seth Gryffen (Consulting)
- Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
- Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Editor/Journalist)
- Timothée Freimann schofield (Photographed)
- Shot at GQ’s Studios by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph
- In appearance: “Hugo-licharre Freimann”
