The Me: "You Can’t See" (Part. Three)
What Helped You Forgive Yourself?
“My name is Matthew Camilléri Joseph, I’m 43 years old and this is my come out story.”
I grew up in a religious family and I’m still live with them. I always think if I come out to my parents, obviously they will not accept it but…
- what if i come out to my friend?
- do they still accept me?
- if they accept me, how will it change my life?
I do give hints to my friends, idk whether they ignore it or pretend nothing happened. "Do I have to live like usual without telling them?"
I remember someone I know said, "If friends don’t accept you after you come out, they aren’t good friends and people to begin with. Have no fear, you have a big loving queer family right here."
There’s a moment my co-worker asked me if I’m gay and said he’s ok with it. I always felt that trust is important, so coming out to close friends gotta have that trust that they’re accepting of you.
It’s going to be a dangerous line to tread, because you’re worried about the acceptance. So, for me if I’m confident that the person is ok with gays, or already guessed anyway and is clearly ok with it, I’ll tell them.
I’m fortunate to have a group of friends who accept me when I came out to them, they didn’t think it was strange. To be honest, since I prefer men more at this moment, it’s just like I’m straight. My manager is ok, but I know not everyone is as fortunate as I am. I’d say gauge the audience first.
I don't regret in my decisions to come out. I am thankful having a support system and battle plan before coming out is the only best possible option a person can do if everything goes south.
“Was coming out a bed of roses? A mixed bag of good, the bad and the ugly." — “Was it worth the risk?” If it makes the community able to discuss LGBTQIA+ topics and stirs conversation, yes it is worth the risk.
Planning ahead is a good thing it is after all a calculated risk.
But I am not asking everyone to start immediately. By understanding your circumstances, knowing your support system and your resources available will pave the way.
(Highly second this):
"Don't just come out to people you're dependent on without a Plan B, it might put you in a really bad place."
Back in 2011 I’m out to my friends first.
Not to my family, my friends accept me and I’m so thankful for them.
I did come out to two of my close cousins, one of them was fine with it but I think the other one just ignored it or forgot about it. I'm not coming out to anymore family members.
I think my brother "Benjamin Schekkan" suspects that I’m not straight. There were a few times where I said I’d date a girl before switching it to boy. Idk, maybe one day I’ll tell him.
“Family is a little bit harder and you might end up being in a hostile environment afterwards.”
A few years ago I told my parents that I was gay and their reaction was bad. Honestly, just wait till you're ready to come out. Maybe try coming out to your friends first, they'll probably accept you for who you are.
There was a moment, sometimes the whole world doesn’t need to know who you are just a significant other that means for you. My mom reaction surprised me to be honest, I didn’t expect that and I cried a lot inside — “I meant this is it, the whole things you keep for years and heavy things inside just burst up and yeah.”
So yeah more relieve, lighter, brighter because you walk as who you are now. You don’t need validation or acceptance by people anymore because you already accept yourself and that’s enough. I know some people still denial of me and still makes a distance, and I am ok with that.
I don’t need that kind of friends anyway but when they need me I will be there, and thanks God my workplace now accept this even support, but my co-workers? Idk and idc. It’s not about the world, it’s about you.
And you know what, you still could have faith in God and be who you are in the same time — no matter what people say, it’s about the connection between you and God not others even if you know you are getting into hell (meanwhile nobody knows anyway) at least you do as a good human.
I’m openly gay among the people I know, but I’m terrified of people now and have lost nearly all my friends and my family just think it’s a phase. But eventhough there are times I regret it. “I’m glad I’m not living a fake life where I’m not me.” — I don’t know if it was worth it tho.
In 2013, I’m out to pretty much all my friends, family and co-workers are a different thing though.
I know my brother is accepting and my dad probably has suspicions. My mom, on the other hand is extremely conservative. "Gay" is foreign to her.
Job wise, it has definitely affected me. My previous colleagues are extremely homophobic. They even had a whole conversation with my boss about how "gay sex is disgusting" and how they think gay men are perverts.
“It was an extremely uncomfortable situation, glad I’m elsewhere now.”
I live in homophobic surrounding, but I did explained to them about LGBT people and the discrimination.
"How did they react when you told them about the discrimination we face?"
(The answer):
"Some of them condemn it, they are against the discrimination but they cant accept our society as something normal."
We live in a world that celebrates being white, male and heterosexual above all else. This has not made it easy for anyone to come out as “gay” in a world that worships heteronormativity.
“It’ll be twice as hard for me to come out as I have always have a hard time accepting the fact that I’m gay.”
Not easy. I personally believe that I need to come to terms with my own fate, to fully accept me for who I am before I can come out to anyone ever.
- We must remember that in many countries, gays are jailed for being gay.
- Some cultures and communities cast out LGBT people.
- Judging those who come out is precisely why people stay in the closet as long as they do, I know gays who were married with kids. It’s not easy.
I had LGBT peers in the legal profession, but they had to hide it for fear of losing their job. The concern was always that partners and clients would refuse to work with LGBT lawyers. That fear now extends to lawyers with anxiety, depression, are bipolar etc.
Right now, I’m lucky that my immediate family and my friends are accepting so I’m already privileged to have the option to come out safely.
I have a group of LGBT friends and we 100% accept and support each other so I count myself lucky.
- Be proud of who you are and the love you’ve shared or held dear to your heart.
- No matter your journey in life, or discoveries you’ve yet to embrace, love being you.
(Whoever, gets this note):
"You are wonderful, valid and loved. It’s okay to feel sad or be in a bad mood, don’t let anyone tell you how to feel."
- I am proud of you for getting up and taking on the day today.
- I love you and I am proud of you for who you are, no matter what.
- You are worthy in someone’s life no matter what happens.
- There’s someone out there grateful for your existence, you mean so much to someone out there.
- Be proud of who you are and love yourself.
Happy Pride 2021 🏳️🌈
