START OVER

Written by Andi Bazaar, Co-wrote by Henrie Louis Friedrich, José Schenkkan Joseph, Gryffen Seth and Tydalé-Oliver Schofield | April 28, 2023

"Trauma from going through assaults and not being believed or supported by anyone in the family or system at large, they are forced to repress those emotions and without externalizing leads to an explosion of those emotions later in life."

Some ADHD’ers use anxiety as a coping mechanism to do stuff. You might’ve heard of "last minute panic" the rush of adrenaline caused by a deadline that will put your brain to work, while it might happen to people without ADHD too many ADHD’ers rely purely on this to keep going.

ADHD'ers without anxiety as a coping mechanism are more likely to end up missing deadlines, so their grades are more likely to fall and they're more likely to get an ADHD diagnosis (they might be missed too, though). Meanwhile, anxious ADHD'ers will likely remain unnoticed.

ADHD'ers rely on high levels of anxiety to function. This anxiety isn't just a coping mechanism, it's a fear response. It makes you more likely to have a fawn response (trying to please others in fear of them not liking you), make you hide your struggles and be the "quiet type."

Most late diagnosed ADHD'ers have crippling levels of anxiety because they've been using it as a coping mechanism to kickstart executive functioning their whole lives. When this coping mechanism wears out, the ADHD'er reaches breaking point, often with many mental health issues.

While this might be functional in lower grades, the more advanced studies get, the more difficult it is. That's why many a ADHD'ers reach breaking point in college. The lose of external structure (not having teachers/parents tell you what to do), moving out, it's too much to cope.

Other common traits of ADHD, such as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, also cause high levels of distress. Added to a high baseline of anxiety, struggles with studies and other issues, it often causes mental health issues, depressive and dissociative symptoms are very common.

Sometimes, anxious ADHD'ers reach a breaking point where they can't cope with the distress and a new coping mechanism might arise: dissociation. The brain tries to protect itself from the overwhelming distress by shutting down, often triggered by overlapping emotional distress.

It's a part of why ADHD'ers are more likely to have PTSD, (specially if they're also autistic).

In ADHD, anxiety often isn't a secondary issue. It's a needed coping mechanism that might become pathological on the long run, specially when ADHD goes unnoticed. That's why an early diagnosis is so important, to get help before debilitating anxiety and dissociation happen.

Feelings in ADHD can be hard to manage, but this isn't our fault nor something we can always control by sheer will.

In ADHD, the neural pathway between the limbic system (where feelings originate) and the prefrontal cortex (what controls them) is affected.

Feelings are originated normally, but the part of our brain that filters and prioritizes them doesn't work properly. It's like having a river of feelings; sometimes the flow rises and floods (overwhelms) you. Other people have a dam to regulate it, you don't.

Another reason is alexythimia (not having words for feelings). Some people with ADHD feel *a lot* but cannot identify and or name what they're feeling, this gets even harder to do when there's a sudden influx of feelings so they feed back to each other negatively.

Then there's internal cogintive processing issues or difficulty figuring things out inside our heads, thoughts and feelings are nameless mess that are difficult to access nor process until it's externalized (verbally, written down, anything outside the brain).

The worst part is not being even aware that there's stuff you need to process, so people with ADHD might feel off or anxious about something for a long time, not knowing what it is until it gets externalized and suddenly the feeling has a name and a cause.

On top of this there's the potential traumatic response to a lifetime of hightehened feelings plus social shaming, which can lead to us anticipating that rejection in a fruitless effort to prevent it which could lead to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).

All of this causes the perfect storm for feelings to run rampant in our brains and overwhelm us easily and might take a lot of work to sort out and learn to regulate.

Other factors like overlapping ND conditions, PTSD, other psychiatric issues, etc. also influence this.

An afterthought: in this situation, telling people with ADHD to "calm down" will not, in fact calm them down. Try "talk me though it" instead. Externalizing and processing might actually help!

Also disclaimer, people with ADHD are diverse so not everyone might experience it the same way. It's just a list of potential general causes, that don't always apply to every individual with ADHD.

Let’s talk about emotional numbness. With everything that happened the last few years, there are many people going through this now. It may seem like a good compromise where we don’t feel that anxiety or trauma anymore, but numbness is a big problem for our mental health.

WHY DO WE FEEL NUMB?

We are going to start with some reasons that we sometimes overlook but can actually play a significant role. Deficiencies of different minerals and vitamins in our bodies can be a cause, anemia and other physiological factors that can require a check up.

However, a big reason why psychologically we may feel very numb is due to emotional exhaustion. Going through multiple bouts of anxiety, intense depression where we may cry a lot or experience many emotions at once are very taxing on the body.

Let’s take an exemple of someone going through a panic attack. Every time this person experiences a panic attack:

• their heart rate increases, their breathing is faster, adrenaline is pumping.
• their thoughts are racing, all our body is on guard and ready to fight or flee.

This can be beneficial in a situation where our life is in danger but when we are experiencing panic attacks or reliving our traumas in our minds, there is no danger to our life but our mind activated the same mechanisms because it feels that same sense of threat.

When that happens for an extended period of time, learned helplessness sets in. Our mind starts to think that there is no way out, we are stuck in the dangerous situation. Our body has been through a lot trying to deal with these situations, the purpose now is to lessen the pain.

Numbness dims the emotions and the connection we feel with our bodies. Pain is less bothersome, our thoughts are slowed down and it becomes hard to keep track of them. We don’t care about anything anymore, we lose what made us panic but we also lose everything else.

We can’t feel love, care, empathy, anger or any other regular emotion we may had or if we do it is just a hint of it because of that learned helplessness and numbness. There is no longer a sense of urgency, we may postpone therapy, the doctor, our work because nothing matters.

We lose track of everything that connected us with the world and other people and feel as though we are zombies who are there but in all the real ways that matter are no longer present. In a big way, it is scarier than any anxiety we can experience.

Sometimes, our minds will test the waters. The numbness will lift to see if it is safe, if we experience anxiety or any intense feeling for that matter the numbness will set back in again to protect us. So what can we do?

Let’s remember that the numbness is the consequence of something happening, something we haven’t dealt with. Therefore, we need to process and start healing from the underlying causes. Whether it is depression, anxiety, trauma or burnout, we would focus on those causes.

Therapy is definitely something that becomes crucial at this point because we have postponed the process long enough and the numbness is the signal that we need to do to solve this cycle, if therapy is unavailable or unaffordable, medication can help a lot too.

Breaking the cycle anyway we can is something that we have to prioritize no matter what even if we don’t have the energy, we can ask a loved one or anyone we trust to set up an appointment, to help us drive there or be near us for that support.

Please know that even though it may feel permanent and that we would never feel another emotion again or that we are doomed to be a living zombie, it won’t be the case. There are solutions out there, our ability to connect with ourselves and others is what makes us “us”

Childhood trauma can have long-lasting effects on a person's emotional, mental and physical health. In this chapter, we'll explore how dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills can help individuals overcome and manage the impact of such trauma.

Trauma can be defined as an emotional response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event. Childhood trauma, in particular, refers to the emotional, mental and physical wounds experienced by a child during a distressing event or series of events.

Childhood trauma can manifest in many forms including physical, emotional or sexual abuse, neglect, witnessing domestic violence or experiencing a significant loss. The effects of such trauma can persist well into adulthood, affecting mental and emotional well-being.

Some common long-term consequences of childhood trauma include depression, anxiety, PTSD, substance abuse and difficulties forming healthy relationships. These symptoms can be challenging, but dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can help.

Developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, DBT is an evidence-based therapy that combines cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness and acceptance strategies. It helps individuals develop skills to regulate emotions, manage stress, and improve relationships.

DBT FOCUSES ON 4 KEY AREAS:

1️⃣ Mindfulness — become aware of and accepting without judgment
2️⃣ Distress Tolerance — Learning to cope and tolerate hard emotions.
3️⃣ Emotional Regulation — Managing emotional reactions.
4️⃣ Interpersonal Effectiveness — Improving communication and social skills

Mindfulness helps individuals with a history of childhood trauma to stay present and grounded at the moment rather than being overwhelmed by memories or flashbacks, it also helps in accepting emotions without judgment fostering self-compassion.

Distress tolerance teaches skills to help manage crises and difficult emotions without resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms (e.g., substance abuse, self-harm), these skills can be beneficial for individuals with unresolved childhood trauma.

Emotional regulation is crucial for those who have experienced childhood trauma, as they may struggle to understand or control their emotions. DBT helps individuals recognize, label and manage their emotions more effectively.

Finally, interpersonal effectiveness helps individuals develop assertiveness, set boundaries and maintain healthy relationships. For those with childhood trauma, this can be an essential step in breaking cycles of abuse and building support networks.

DBT is not a one-size-fits-all solution, but it can be an effective therapy for many individuals who have experienced childhood trauma. By building resilience, fostering self-compassion and promoting healthy relationships, DBT can help pave the way to healing.

If you or someone you know has experienced childhood trauma and is struggling to cope, consider exploring dialectical behavior therapy. Recovery is possible and starting your healing journey is never too late.

Let's write a topic on patriarchy and mental health, any form of oppression will have long lasting mental health impacts. Patriarchy has lasted for so long with many generations sharing and passing that trauma, let's dive a little deeper into what it can entail.

Patriarchy is a form of oppression that has infiltrated every institution and social norm from religion, government, education to family. As with most forms of oppressions, patriarchy is comfortable blaming women for situations they cannot control rather than fixing the system.

Within families, patriarchy is very much alive. Many if not most families raise their children differently based on whether they are boys or girls. Girls tend to be limited in what their parents allow, from going out, to interacting with boys, or even discouraged from science.

These dynamics play out so early that young girls realize that something is wrong even if can't fully understand the ramifications yet, they can see how their own brothers or boy peers at school are treated versus how they are treated and create a conflict within themselves.

While we are young, parents are the main form of socialization and the people we learn the world and environment from. Those early years are crucial for the development of our mental health, when girls are treated differently, it affects their mental health early on.

Self-esteem suffers greatly and paves the way for self-esteem and self-efficacy to be greatly impacted into their adult life, even while they try to unlearn those ingrained behaviours taught by parents. Furthermore, childhood is a time of possibilities and exploration.

But for many girls, their parents limit them on what they can do. They tell them early in their childhood that their job is to get married and have kids, their creativity and spark may get stopped because they cannot explore that environment themselves. It was chosen for them.

Furthermore, as with any form of oppression the truth may not be believed even when there is evidence. Their word carries less weight than that of their brothers or other men in the family even when girls or women approach their parents after an assault they are not believed.

The system was made to defend boys whether it is within families or the justice system, getting justice is practically impossible. This is not just within our culture even in Canada for example only 11% of sexual assaults result in conviction, the lowest in any category.

Because of these deep rooted inequalities that start from birth, mental health will be impacted in a great way. By limiting possibilities of young girls, treating them differently from their brothers, etc will result in many mental health issues.

The biggest is internalizing that oppression, that results in helplessness and hopelessness that creates an intense form of depression. They don't resist anything because they may realize it is pointless, that combination can be very dangerous because it can lead to suicide.

"Trauma from going through assaults and not being believed or supported by anyone in the family or system at large, they are forced to repress those emotions and without externalizing leads to an explosion of those emotions later in life."

Anxiety is also a big one. Navigating a system that was not made for them and where their safety is threatened at all times will certainly lead to a lot of anxiety because that fight or flight reflex is activated at all times, even at home where it is supposed to be safe.

These are just scratching the surface in terms of how patriarchy affects the mental health of little girls and women in their life, there is so much more. This is why we need to make mental health accessible for women for free in order to help with that internalized trauma.

We also need to remove patriarchy completely from our systems and families, allowing future generations of young girls to grow up without it unleashing their full potential not only career wise but also their full potential in happiness.

If you were called "mature for your page" you might have been parentified, prentification is when a child is made to fill an adult role. This is an "invisible" trauma that has life long impact, here's why.

Parentification is an extremely common family dynamic where children are expected to: manage their parent's emotions or issues (most common is marital problems), take care of the home and siblings on a regular basis or act as a peer to a parent.

MANY PARENT'S AREN'T AWARE THEY'RE DOING THIS FOR SEVERAL REASONS:

• They were parentified themselves.
• They’re overwhelmed and lack support.
• They don’t know/understand the language and culture so they depend on their children.

Parentified children are treated as adults, they're not seen as children who are developing emotionally and need emotional support to find their sense of self. They're seen as adult peers who are able to navigate crisis and any family issue.

Children adapt quickly to this role, they learn that they must betray their own needs, desires and emotions to keep the connection to a parent.

Many parentified adults feel a fierce sense of loyalty to the parent that's parentifying them, they want to fix, rescue and protect that parent.

IT'S A TRUE ROLE REVERSAL

This can be confusing because while they play a key role in the family, no one check in to see how they feel, or what they think. Their emotional world is ignored, boundaries don't exist.

The child learns to manage the adult emotions and doesn't have the chance to understand their own inner world, the result: "a codependent view of love."

Adults who've been parentified have been conditioned (since childhood) to ignore how they feel and to prioritize the needs of others, tey tend to find adult relationships where they: try to fix, rescuebor enable. Just as they did as children.

They struggle to understand what they actually feel, what they actually like, and what they actually need. Parentified adults also feel a deep feeling of being misunderstood, of not being considered or isolation.

Many fill this voice with constant "busyness" always on call for other people's crisis or issues, this fills their childhood need to feel wanted.

The most important step in healing is learning to set boundaries, of course this will also be the most difficult because:

• Boundaries were non-existent
• Self worth comes through other people
• Enmeshment (lack of boundaries) feels like closeness even though it’s superficial.

Working through the guilt of setting boundaries, meet their own needs and clearly speaking their own limits is challenging. It will also be healing, it's self recovery.

Thank you to José Schenkkan for asking me to write about this very important topic.

A SPECIAL THANKS TO:

• Dr Oliver Schofield, MD (Consulting)
• Dr Seth Gryffen, MD (Consulting)
• Timothée Freimann schofield (Photographed)
• Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Editor/Journalist)
• Scott Wynné Schofield (Publisher)
• Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
• Jwan Höffler Conwall (Art Interior Design)
• Hugo-lichare Freimann (Ass Director)
• Shot at GQ’s Studios by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph
• In appearance by Emmanuel Piero-luccá Schofield (Model)
• In collaboration with The Me: You Can’t See