SPARE: The Invisible Storm

Written by Andi Bazaar, Oliver Schofield | April 14, 2023

"After six weeks of the most severe depressive relapse I have had and almost a year of worsening symptoms, I have learned a few lessons that I hope can help others. I will be quite general here."

THINGS PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION WISH THAT YOU KNEW.

It is not a choice, just like a physical illness isn’t a choice having a mental illness isn’t a choice. We don’t choose to be depressed. We don’t want to spend our days feeling low, unable to socialise with everything feeling like the biggest chore in the world.

We are not weak, having Depression takes every ounce of your energy and turns you into someone that is completely unrecognisable. It takes a strength some will never know just to get out of bed on a morning and face the day.

We can’t just "snap out of it" and actually hearing you say that to us is harmful, it shows you have no understanding and don’t care enough to understand. No matter how hard you try to fight the thoughts, the darkness completely consumes you like really there is no way out.

There is not always a reason for having depression or being depressed, it is an illness. Most people assume that something must have happened, a trigger or harmful event but actually most of the time there is no reason. Again, it is an illness.

Depression is not sadness, comparing the living nightmare of depression to sadness is like comparing a paper cut to a broken leg. Everyone experiences sadness in their life and is a healthy part of someone’s emotional well-being, depression eats away at you from the inside out.

Depression literally feels like there is a storm cloud over your head and it takes all the colour out of your world and turns everything grey, it’s the painful ness of doing things you once loved and the overwhelming sense of worthlessness and loss of your humour and interests.

It often feels like we are a burden to you, we feel like we are an inconvenience and that we don’t deserve your love and time. We try and hide the way we are feeling so we don’t hurt those around us but when you reach out to us and let us know you’re there it means everything.

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I’m okay, just because someone is high-functioning, achieving in school or their job, seems to have it "all together" doesn’t mean we aren’t struggling. Depression doesn’t have a face.

A lot of the time we take it out on those closest to us and we don’t mean it, we are literally experiencing so much mental pain that we forget how to love. We may say things or snap at you, but we don’t mean it, we don’t mean to push you away or hurt your feelings.

We are doing our best and we hope it is enough, we know it can look like we don’t care or we aren’t trying but it takes such strength just to get through the day sometimes.

So please know that even when it looks like we aren’t trying, we are trying more than you know.

MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS PHYSICAL HEALTH

WHO ranks Kenya as fifth among African countries with highest number of depression cases, 1 in every 4 Kenyans may be suffering from a mental health related issue.

Depression (also known as major depressive disorder, major depression or clinical depression) is a serious mood disorder that affects how a person feels,thinks and handles daily activities such as sleeping,eating or working.

Types of depression include; major depression (depressed mood or loss of interest, for at least two weeks, interfering with daily activities. Persistent depressive disorder (less severe symptoms of depression that last as long as two years.)

• Perinatal depression (during or after pregnancy.)
• Seasonal affective disorder (comes and goes with seasons)
• Depression with symptoms of psychosis (one has psychosis symptoms such as delusions (false fixed beliefs).

WHO GETS DEPRESSION?

Can affect people of all ages,races, ethnicities and genders. Women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression as men.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" mood, feelings of hopelessness, guilt, irritability, loss of interest in hobbies and activities, decreased energy, changes in appetite and sometimes thoughts of death.

TREATMENT: MEDICATIONS (ANTIDEPRESSANTS)

Psychotherapy (also called talk therapy or counselling, brain stimulation therapies such as electroconvulsive therapy.

COPING BEHAVIOURS OR MECHANISMS

• Physical activity
• Maintain a regular bed time and wake-up time
• Eat regular healthy meals
• Break up large tasks into small ones,connect with people
• Avoid alcohol, nicotine or drugs

It is okay not to be okay, no two people are affected the same way by depression. There is no "one-size-fits-all."

After six weeks of the most severe depressive relapse I have had and almost a year of worsening symptoms, I have learned a few lessons that I hope can help others. I will be quite general here:

• Ensuring your basic needs are met is essential to developing both resilience to challenge and a support network for when things get tough. This means eat, sleeping, social support, hygiene and housing.
• Recognising the early signs of relapse is important, for example keeping a list of your symptoms and considering them as early indicators of something that needs to change may prevent a full relapse or slow one enough to find help earlier.
• Taking time off and simplifying your life toward recovery is essential. There is no shame in it, you cannot be expected to give 100% into your own health whilst trying to meet external expectations. This goes double for you, healthcare staff.
• Use medication. Whether you perceive it as a rescue remedy, a mediator or a prevention agent find something that works and take the benefits of it. No medication is perfect but they work in tandem with other interventions. For some illnesses, they are completely essential.
• Do not see recovery as extra pressure. Most recovery happens slowly and in the background when given space and time, little goals are helpful but this is a time to slow down and recuperate.
• The use of talking therapies can be helpful but some can be too taxing in severe relapses, this mainly means those of a psychotic nature. Make sure your therapist and doctor communicate about what may or may not be helpful.
• Trust others, like family, friends or a partner, to point out things to you. You may think differently or miss things when you are unwell and they know you well, they will spot your early relapse indicators earlier too.
• Suicidal thoughts are not to be trifled with. If you have them, seek help. If you are contemplating suicide, get help urgently. If you feel unsafe, make yourself safe. Bring in others. Suicidal ideation pushes people away, so fight back.
• Be okay with not meeting other people’s expectations of your recovery or behavior, people may want you back early or become frustrated. That is not your problem, nor does it make you a bad person.
• Realise that in the depths of illness, the future may seem bleak or that recovery is impossible but that when recovery happens, the depths of illness seem like they were unreal. Trust in recovery, trust in the potential.

Depression has become a household name, people even use it to describe their emotional state at a point in time. Most people think think depression is one disorder.

A SHORT EXPLANATION OF BASIC INFORMATION ABOUT DEPRESSION

"Depression" encompasses a spectrum of disorders, depressive disorders include;

• disruptive mood dysregulation disorder
• persistent depressive disorder
• premenstrual dysphoric disorder
• substance/medication-induced depressive disorder
• depressive disorder due to another medical condition
• other specified depressive disorder
• unspecified depressive disorder

The common feature of depressive disorders is the feeling of; sadness, emptiness and irritability, accompanied by related changes that impair capacity to function.

What differ among them are issues of duration timing and presumed cause.

I don't understand why we as humans have this propensity to overcomplicate things when life is so simple. My heart aches when I see every other teen soaked in depression and stress, so I wanted to write this thread that might help you in some way.

While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to happiness, there are some key factors that can help increase our overall sense of well-being as a whole.

FIND PURPOSE AND MEANING

A sense of purpose and meaning in life can bring a great deal of satisfaction and happiness.

CULTIVATE POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Rather than chasing after love or romantic partners as a means to happiness make an effort to build and maintain strong relationships with family, friends and your community in the same order of priority. I repeat family comes first.

PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION

Be kind and gentle with yourself, if you don't love yourself no one would care to love you back genuinely. Stay hydrated, take cold showers, go to gym, eat whatever and whenever (this goes for cheat days only please) and appreciate your growth.

PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and accepting things as they are, this can help reduce stress and increase overall well-being. Seek God to give you the ability to differentiate between the things you can change and those you can't.

Ultimately, fixing the pattern of chasing after external factors requires a shift in mindset and a commitment to developing a sense of internal validation, meaningful relationships and present moment awareness.

Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you but if you sit quietly and sip your margarita, it might just land on your nose.

A SPECIAL THANKS TO:

• Dr Oliver Schofield, MD (Consulting)
• Dr Seth Gryffen, MD (Consulting)
• Timothée Freimann schofield (Photographed)
• Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Editor/Journalist)
• Scott Wynné Schofield (Publisher)
• Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
• Jwan Höffler Conwall (Art Interior Design)
• Hugo-licharre Freimann (Ass Director)
• Shot at GQ’s Studios by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph
• In appearance by "Harper-freimann Schofield" (Model)