SPARE (The Great War)

Written by Andi Bazaar, Co-wrote by Timothée-freimann Schofield | Nov 25, 2022

Each and evryone of us can feel anxiety even young people nowadays are struggling with this, anxiety is not a joke. This can make us feel empty, unloved and unnapreciated and lot's of people commiting suicide because they cannot control their anxieties.

Ever since Emmanuel Piero-luccá Schofield have come out about his mental illness publicly, he have received immense love and support. For those who missed it, Pier’s suffer from clinical depression and high functioning anxiety and he’s not afraid to share his own story.

One stigmatized belief is that a mental health struggle is a sign of weakness, this conflicts with the idea of an athlete as an example of someone who is in optimal health but I have been in therapy for one year now and am being treated by Dr. Seth Gryffen

Beyond valid physical challenges, I often face pressure, standards and expectations. Further, I am tasked with the need to balance my personal and professional life. Therefore, just as anyone else athletes are susceptible to a variety of mental health struggles.

It doesn't simply being sad and unmotivated, the symptoms of depression often have a way of infiltrating everything from smallest most unsuspecting details of life, to biggest, most significant aspects of life. Trying to explain this often feels like trying to hold onto water.

I will share the worst symptoms of depression people typically don’t talk about in hope to deepen our understanding and uncloak the misunderstanding that leads to the creation of shame and stigma.

The black hole I feel in the core of my being, it sucks in life, motivation, concentration, etc. To use another metaphor it’s drowning in the the ocean in the middle of a tempest.

When I’m having an episode but I’m not so far gone and part of my rational mind is still present telling me there’s no reason to feel the way I do, yet the dark part of my mind still won’t release it’s grip.

Feeling numb and that feeling of unreality, I can see and take my surroundings in, yet I don’t feel a part of it like a dream sequence. So many people but at that moment, they mean very little.

Dissociation, being so depressed and just gone so consumed that you are no longer yourself. It begins to feel like you’re first person in a video game or movie, you have no emotional connection to reality because you’re not there. Literally just existing feels impossible.

Not knowing that something is wrong in the early stage, and hurting other people with your behavior not on purpose of course. As a consequence, they accuse you of many bad things that are caused by the illness you couldn’t really control. People make many mistakes out of fear.

I think it’s anger, agitation, irritability and that feeling of having no self-control. I hate when the intensity gets to a point where you can’t hold it in anymore and you fly off the handle over a super small thing because you can’t regulate this emotion.

When all the symptoms mix, that awful combo of a lack of concentration, exhaustion and apathy that makes your brain stay in what’s like "the dial-up tone phase" of waking up for extended periods of time.

You can’t think straight can’t form proper sentences don’t know if you want social interaction or be isolated, don’t enjoy what I usually would, but don’t have anything else to do and can’t focus on work when I have it. It’s like I’m just there and useless cause I can’t function right.

If you have made it this far in the article and can relate to me, lets talk. It is important to remember that no matter how much you are struggling or how overwhelming your symptoms may feel, you are never alone and you are worthy and deserving of help.

Recognizing the prevalence of concerns and the risks of unchecked mental health problems, seeking help is crucial. Treatment has turned my struggles into a passion and my mission for mental health advocacy is a higher calling than any of my sporting achievement.

I have mental health illnesses, most people who know me already are probably aware but I have been afraid to discuss it on here or in public for fear of what it would do to my friendships, reputation and employment.

I struggle with an ongoing, severe anxiety disorder which at times also triggers severe depression. Sometimes I take medication, sometimes it helps. I have good days and bad days but I persevere, mostly.

I am talking about it now because I have spent the last two hours agonising about wanting to publicly comment on a controversial social issue, one I have a personal connection with but I haven't been able to win out over the anxiety this time. It makes me so frustrated and sad.

I am confident in my arguments and believe that there is an important reason to speak up but the thing that lives in my head is a catastrophist, no action is safe. Speaking up, minimal action feels like stepping off of a cliff.

I know first hand the difference between stress and nervousness, ordinary reactions also the debilitating effects of severe anxiety plus depression. Mental illness can suck all of the energy out our greatest passions and replace it with grinding self-doubt and flight responses.

When I see those around me charging into the fray, I feel like such a coward that I cannot charge beside them but I have to admit (most times I literally can't.) — It's not just weakness or lack of willingness and commitment, it's like trying to walk through a wall by force of will.

Every time I see a tweet saying "if you haven't spoke up on X issue, we see you" — it hits me hard and I feel like a coward. I have every privilege and know rationally that I should engage, that I risk so little but mental illness isn't rational. I can't argue with my anxiety.

So I decided to post this thread to say, I know there are those of you like me out there who care, deeply. Who want to be part of a struggle. Who want to speak up and be heard but when you try, something reaches up from inside and snatches your voice away. I see you!

I also see you students who have to work twice as hard as many of your peers because you are grappling with both the material and yourself, I see my colleagues who give and give outwardly while on the inside desperately struggling to keep themselves together.

I know that you're probably like me you find as many ways you can to do good work within the restrictions of the illness. If you are like me, anxiety likely means that those works are out of view not acknowledged. It's the nature of the thing.

It can be frustrating to see people whose actions are public get praised and held up, while anyone not doing what they do is considered to be less committed less important even when we know those critiques aren't aimed at us they hurt because we wish we could do more or be different.

For what it is worth, you are not alone. The things we are able to do matter just because we are in the background, behind the scenes, putting in effort without acknowledgement does not mean our efforts are in vain. You can get that degree, finish that book, affect that cause.

If you struggle with your mental illness, I hope that you are one day able to overcome even if that involves simply finding a way to be your authentic self without guilt and fear. I hope that you are able to see your efforts as valuable even if they are not what others do.

MOVEMENT AND MOOD.

Depression, anxiety, burnout and even just general stuckness hate a moving target. A little bit of exercise every day helps to keep the mind at bay.

Many people are struggling with challenging emotions right now, here is a deeper dive. First off, I'm using exercise synonymously with physical activity: a regimented workout, a fast-paced walk or vigorous gardening.

The evidence is clear that regular movement can help prevent, manage and even treat depression. More on how this works here.

The same is true for anxiety.

• Some of this effect is biological (chemicals in the brain).
• Some of it is psychological (confidence).
• Some of it is social (community).
• Some of it is still unknown.

Exercise is also hugely beneficial for the stuff we all face in daily life:

• Emotional control
• Problem solving
• Creativity
• Focus
• Sleep

Exercise should be a part of your job, whatever your job may be (writer, physician, nurse, parent, lawyer, artist)

It is very important to note that exercise is not a cure-all or a panacea, for some people it can be enough and for others it is not. It is probably best thought of as a tool in the toolkit which includes therapy, medication, nutrition, community and sleep hygiene.

I suspect there is also a sequencing element, if you are in the throes of deep depression or anxiety and someone tells you to "just exercise more" that probably isn't going to be helpful probably helps most as preventative, mild issues and later on coming out of the woods.

Finally, remember that mood follows action. You don't need to feel good to get going, you need to get going to give yourself a chance at feeling good.

Intrusive thoughts and feelings are stubborn, this is why "think positive" usually fails. So much of this is breaking inertia.

Here are some concrete ways to get exercise into your life right now, including throughout your day and in formal periods of practice.

"In The Practice of Groundedness" I debated with my publisher on whether to include exercise along with big practices like acceptance, presence, patience, vulnerability and community.

Ultimately, for all the reasons above we did. It's a full chapter and it should be. Right now, perhaps more than ever do everything you can to carve out at least 20 minutes of physical activity into your day even if it feels like you are forcing yourself or even if it's just walking.

Just show up and do it regularly, see how you feel after.

A SPECIAL THANKS TO:

• Dr Oliver Schofield, MD (Consulting)
• Dr Seth Gryffen, MD (Consulting)
• Timothée Freimann schofield (Co-wrote/Photographed)
• Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Editor/Journalist/Publisher)
• Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
• Shot at GQ’s Studios by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph
• In appearance: Emmanuel Piero-luccá Schofield