Freedom: “Excruciatingly Painful” (Chapter. 2)
Written by Andi Bazaar, Mark J. Levstein, Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph and “Steve Oswald” | Dec 8, 2023
This is very hard to write, but please take some time to read and hopefully it will help someone. I just want to reiterate how important it is to talk, you do not have to suffer alone there are people that love you. Whoever is reading this, for who you are and what you can do hopefully this helps somebody.
Learning how to be vulnerable and expressing our emotions is one of the best things we can develop, it allows us to stop repressing our feelings and connect on a deeper level with people around us. It can take time to get there but once we do, it is so worth it.
The whole “other people have it worse” needs to be removed from this planet. How is that sentence going to be helpful? The only thing it does is add guilt to the already present anxiety/depression no matter what others are going through, it doesn’t negate our own pain.
From time to time, someone will send me a message that all I am doing on IG is performative or to gain some form of validation. For one, validation feels nice no matter what. Second, most of my work on IG happens on DM's supporting people. If it was performative, I wouldn’t do most of my work in the shadows.
I know some people will not believe the empathy that I display and to be honest that’s okay, it is just funny that most people who send these messages are not doing anything to better their communities.
First of all, I want to revisit a topic I get asked about almost everyday. Physical symptoms in mental health, they are so scary and can be so hard to believe that something like anxiety can cause such devastating symptoms. Let’s break it down and see how that happens.
Generally speaking, mental health symptoms are divided into 3 distinct categories: (physical, psychological and social.) Psychological would be racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, social is withdrawal from loved ones and other social symptoms.
"Physical Symptoms" are definitely those that feel that we notice the most because they can look like potentially dangerous illnesses. Usually we experience those symptoms, go to the emergency room and the doctors can’t find anything.
It leaves us feeling puzzled and wondering what’s happening, what happens is that our mind identifies some type of danger. After that, it is time for the endocrine system to start working. It releases hormones that send signals to our body.
These hormones (cortisone, adrenaline) tell our body to prepare to fight or run away. Blood goes to our muscles, meaning our brain doesn’t have enough blood pumping. That’s why we feel that brain fog, racing thoughts, tunnel vision and we get that burst of energy.
We hyperventilate to get oxygen quickly so it becomes harder to take deeper breaths, we start to feel short of breath. Our heart is pumping in preparation for that danger ahead, we may feel palpitations and even some chest tightness. Our muscles contract a lot.
That means that we will get very sore or pain in our muscles from repeated panic attacks, these symptoms all combine to create a big monster that makes us panic even more. So how do we break this pattern?
DEEP BREATHS
I mentioned the hyperventilating above, we need to cut it at the source. By forcing ourselves to take deep belly breaths, our heart rate goes down and the shortness of breath slowly goes away. Then, it is about releasing that energy.
Given that adrenaline and cortisone create a lot of energy to prepare for that danger, we are left feeling restless. Taking a small walk or run after the panic attack is done allows us to get rid of some of that jittery energy.
It is important to remember that panic attacks rely on us fearing the next one. As long as we fear them, they will keep coming back. When we understand why they are happening and how we can control them a bit more, we slowly lose that fear.
That means they won’t come back as often. Furthermore, we often associate physical symptoms with mental health problems but actually any strong emotion can trigger physical symptoms. When we feel overly happy, angry, in love we have physical symptoms as well.
The interconnected nature of the body and mind doesn’t happen just in mental illness but also when we are feel overly happy or excited, it is just that we don’t pay as much attention to it when we are happy.
The excitement of opening a gift we have been waiting for, a first kiss, etc... also leave us having a strong heart rate, hyperventilating and similar symptoms to panic attacks. Hope that helps a little with that connection and how we can manage it a little.
I saw a few of us saying that their 2023 resolution was to improve their mental health, so I decided to write this guide in terms of what steps we can take to improve our mental health for 2023 and beyond. The most important step is to start some form of treatment.
While finances can be a huge barrier to getting treatment, there are a few things around that. Medications (especially those that have been around for a while) are generally much cheaper because they exist in generic form. They are safe, have decades of research behind them.
Antidepressants are not addictive at all and while there are a few side effects at the beginning, they tend to go away after the first few weeks. While it is hard to get rid of superstition and myths around meds, taking that first step of just taking it will help so much.
For therapy, there are always some free or low cost options. Sometimes, there are students about to graduate from their post grad who offer free or low cost therapy as experience (under the supervision of a fully licensed psychologist and legally).
They are the equivalent of a resident doctor, meaning they have the knowledge and expertise but lack the experience and both of you can benefit from working with each other. I remember when I was in that position and worked, I had my supervisor guide through every client.
Second, we need to be serious about our self-care. Everyday as much as possible, we take 2 hours a day for ourselves. It doesn’t matter what others may say or how they react about it, our brains deserve that rest to be able to give us the best they can offer.
Also, let’s get into the habit of writing down a few lines to describe our day, emotions and some thoughts we went through. It can help your future therapist a lot with identifying patterns and will help you see whether things are getting better or not.
Having a few lines about sleep, food intake, thoughts, emotions, triggers, overall score of the day won’t take a long time but can be so beneficial down the line because we can’t remember how things went down exactly a week or month down the line.
Another way to help our mental health is to get into the habit of externalizing our experiences, there is no need to repress it or keep it all in. Talk out loud even if it is to yourself, scream in a pillow, write it down, whatever works for you is valid.
We need to reduce how much of that pain we carry with us and the best way to do that is to externalize it as it happens, we don’t want it to come back to bite us years down the line when we can’t even remember what we repressed.
Also, let’s be a little kinder to ourselves even if our thoughts tell us we are not worth it, we all need to be kind to ourselves and love ourselves a little more, regardless of work or study achievements. They are not rewards for achievements but appreciation for existing.
Finally, let’s make the year 2023 the year that we disconnect as much as we can from toxic people. We have all been through such a hard time, we don’t need to add toxic people who damage our mental health. Mute, block, anything that works for you to be able to move on.
I hope that you will be able to feel much better and appreciate yourself just the way you are because you are awesome. Maybe your parents or some people won’t see it, but I do. Whenever I interact with you all, I am in awe of what amazing you all are. You deserve the best and love.
I want to consolidate many of the myths around mental health in one article despite access to free resources, myths around mental health continue to be extremely high. I thought it would be important to talk about the most common ones.
MEDS ARE ADDICTIVE
Nope as a general rule, only benzodiazepines are considered addictive when used for too long. Antidepressants are not addictive, if we quit them suddenly it may shock our body and create side effects but it is not similar to an addiction withdrawal.
MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES ARE A FORM OF WEAKNESS
They are not a form of anything, they are a response to internal or external factors that trigger a self-preservation reaction driven by a survival instinct and or a response of exhaustion from energy draining life scenarios.
IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD
You know what’s all in your head? Our brains, that’s it! Mental health issues are not located in the brain as it impacts our whole body, commonly our gut system as well because there are neurons there as well. There is no one location where it manifests.
RELIGION CAN CURE IT
Again no! The same way that religions don’t cure broken arms or infections, they won’t cure mental health issues. They can help cope or withstand the pain but they won’t solve anything on their own.
SPORT CURES IT
Wring! Sports release endorphines which temporarily alleviate feelings of depression/anxiety, they can also help regulate our bodies but they are not a cure because they do not solve the underlying problems.
YOU DO IT FOR ATTENTION
Those that haven’t lived with mental health issues don’t realize how painful they are. Physically, psychologically, socially. There are better ways to ask for attention that don’t involve any of this.
PROMISCUITY/PREMARITAL SEX/DISOBEDIENCE CAUSES MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES
No! They have nothing with each other, just because someone doesn’t adhere to certain social norms doesn’t mean that it creates anything bad.
MARRIAGE/KIDS
We don’t suffer from depression because we don’t have a partner or kids by a certain age, they have no link whatsoever. In fact, it can be the reverse. Getting into codependent or dependent relationships that exacerbate the symptoms.
TOUGH LOVE CAN BRING SOMEONE OUT OF DEPRESSION
No! Tough love is abuse that is sugarcoated under a different name, it just adds guilt and further isolated the person who is suffering. Tough and unconditional love don’t belong together in the same sentence.
DISTRACT YOURSELF/STAY BUSY AND HAVE NO TIME TO THINK
Short-term, it can help. Long-term, it leads to burnout and an inability to even function for the most basic tasks. Processing our emotions healthily and in a safe space are the main keys for successful treatment.
I hope I have covered some of the more common ones, feel free to drop some myths about mental health that you have heard about. I hope that this can be helpful.
(BONUS ONE)
What will people say when they know? I don’t know about you but generally other people shouldn’t open medicine cabinets or follow people when they go for therapy sessions. Also, they are getting treatment for something not joining a network of criminals.
BEAUTIFUL TRAUMA
This is very hard to write, but please take some time to read and hopefully it will help someone — that’s the aim. My uncle took his own life on 10 years ago, that’s it "gone." I will never get the chance to speak to him, go out for a beer or see him ever again.
He leaves behind a 15 and 9 year old sons, his hum, my parents, friends, family and a network of people devastated lost. This wasn’t my uncle, a loving man who had his flaws but show me a man without them and I’ll show you a liar, these were demons in his head that have made him do something catastrophic and irreversible.
It doesn’t make sense, it’s illogical and I can’t explain it. We see it all the time now everywhere and take it for granted but mental health is so important, for somebody to be in a position to have to take their own life as the only solution is heartbreaking.
I’ve seen my gran wail at the news she’ll never see her son again, my dad a strong man and not know what to do with himselt. My mom having to spread the news with family and friends, will continuing to be look after his wife and kids after the news and none of us able to do anything.
My point is for god sake if anybody, anywhere feels like they have nowhere to go or they can’t go on please please please speak to somebody. Friends, family, work colleagues, professionals, strangers or anyone.
Any problems you think you have: (financial, relationships, work, family, drugs, alcohol etc;) all trivial don’t bottle them up. Men are rubbish at talking about their feelings, there is no shame in admitting to someone you are struggling. You can literally save your own life
After I heard the news I drank to try and numb the pain. Pints, spirits, mixers, anything that would somehow make the situation better. Stupid idea, thankfully I had mates with me who I could talk to to calm me down, have a good cry. I’m not ashamed of that, I felt better for it.
So many people have said kind words to me and my family and it honestly means the world, people grieve in their own ways but to have so much support goes a long long way. It’s a battle none of us have to face alone.
I myself am the first person to have a laugh and a joke with people often at others expense, I’m no saint but if anyone is genuinely struggling I am one of the first people to offer myself for a chat and try to help people. We have all had tough times.
This is speaking from a mans perspective, I don’t have statistics and I don’t want to look at them, both men and women shouldn’t feel like their only option is to take their own life. If you know somebody struggling or even if you think they are, speak and reach out.
Sometimes there is no clear reason why you feel guilty, depressed or anxious and then hunting for an explanation can feed the dread. Pray for wisdom, thank God for grace, put your head down, be faithful to the task in front of you and do the next thing.
Do not be surprised when you fall into a period of darkness that you can only move out by faithfully crawling, inch by inch. The remarkable thing is that the dread you feel today will be as unimaginable to you in the future as joy feels today.
Another remarkable aspect of mental descent is that you can talk and read about it as much as you like but you never quite stop being alone, the ineffable experience can be diagnosed but not truly known and that can be a source of terror.
It’s not uncommon with mental health, as with all heath care to arrive at the startling conclusion that maybe nobody knows what’s really wrong. Broad recommendations are offered, prescriptions but the elusive thread that might unravel the veil and uncover the truth is absent and that is when I have to ground my being in God, in his goodness, in his love, in his provision. Which does not make the darkness go away but it keeps me from hopeless solipsism. I am known, my being is affirmed and justified. I can never not be known and that counts.
“For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart and he knows everything.” — how could we survive otherwise?
Sometimes, if the burden of sourceless guilt or anxiety becomes too much, we invent a source, which only (falsely) confirms our feelings and draws us deeper in and that's the danger because everyone wants answers. We want our world to be explicable, we want our heart to be ordered but it rarely is. Sometimes you just feel bad, even very bad and then the only right response is acceptance and action, not discovery and explanation.
You can’t wait to feel right before you act right, no matter how desperately you want to. Silently bearing up under internal burdens, rather than obsessively trying to resolve them is often the weight of adulthood.
The fact that the "peace of God surpasses all understanding," is profoundly reassuring because it can feel like peace is unjustified. Whether because of guilt feelings or feelings of dread or anxiety, sometimes you cannot understand or feel peace but the peace of God surpasses our ability to comprehend it. It is irreducible to logic or facts as you know them.
I’m reminded of the song, "it is well with my soul," because of Christ’s love, it is objectively well with our soul even when it is not well with our hearts. This is one reason why we need communities of faith, we have to know-with (con-science) others who can remind us of the truth when we forget because we will at times.
To finish really I just want to reiterate how important it is to talk, a mate of mine said today "no man is an island". You do not have to suffer alone, there are people that love you. Whoever is reading this, for who you are and what you can do hopefully this helps somebody.
A SPECIAL THANKS TO:
- Andi Bazaar (Writer)
- Mark J. Levstein (Co-Editor/Co-writer)
- Yevhn Gertz (Director Photography)
- dr Oliver Schofield, MD (Consulting)
- dr Seth Gryffen, MD (Consulting)
- dr Khaan, MD (Consulting)
- Timothée Freimann schofield (Photographed)
- Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Editor/Journalist)
- Scott Wynné Schofield (Publicist)
- Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
- Jwan Höffler Conwall (Art Interior Design)
- Hugo-licharré Freimann Schofield (Ass Director)
- Shot at GQ’s Studios by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph (Co-writer)
- In appearance by "Steve Oswald" (Model/Co-writer)
- In collaboration with "The Me You Can’t See UK" (TMYCSUK) / @tmycsuk
