DAMAGE NEVER EXISTED
“In Honor Of World Mental Health Day” — (Chapter I-III)
Written by. Andi Bazaar
Featuring. Matthew Camilléri Yosef and Jwan Hoffler Conwall
Today is October 10th, which is “World Mental Health Day.”
"This year my heart goes out to everyone who has still struggled throughout lockdown, if you are struggling please reach out because someone is always there to listen."
On this "World Mental Health Day,” remember to check on your mental health and of your family and immediate circle. It helps to reach out and start a conversation.
Your mental health affects your physical health and vice versa, positive psychological well being can reduce the risks of serious illness. Poor mental health can lead to poor physical health and harmful behaviour.
As we approach World Mental Health Day today, I want to salute those seeking help, those providing help, the families, peers, advocates and all those courageous enough to shout there is no health without Mental Health!
Mental health issues are not a taboo, modern life particularly with the pandemic around can be stressful. Sometimes all it takes to feel better is a comforting conversation, if you need help speak up and if someone you know needs help reach out.
“I’m here to reassure you that you are completely valid, that mental illness exists and that it is not something to be taken lightly.”
Health is not just physical, so here are some ways you can protect your mental health:
- Connect with family, friends and those you trust with your feelings It is important to stay connected with your loved ones whom you trust about your concerns and feelings.
- Do activities you enjoy, make time to do some other activities that you enjoy. You may opt to learn expressive art such as painting and poetry. Expressive art is an excellent way to provide an emotional outlet using creativity.
- Listen to music that will motivate you, watch a feel-good movie, or read an inspiring book.
- Take care of your body:
- a take deep breaths
- meditate or practice mindfulness
- eat healthy and well-balanced meals
- exercise regularly
- hydrate well
- get plenty of sleep
In honor of "World Mental Health Day" this month, I’ve partnered with friend of mine Matthew Camilléri Yosef and Jwan Hoffler Conwall to help destigmatize the conversation around Mental Health and I will give insight into my own mindfulness journey also share their own mental health stories.
CHAPTER. ONE:
"MATTHEW CAMILLÉRI JOSEPH STORY"
I have always believed that the world would be a better place without me. I first attempted suicide when I was 12 y/o, my mom heard me in the bathroom in the middle of the night and called my dad (who lived 20 miles away) and said, “come get your psycho son” and went back to bed.
The next day I was released from the hospital and received a lot of criticism from family and the community – (I’m psycho, crazy, just trying to get attention, etc.). About five years later, I became a Catholic and thought that becoming a Catholic would solve all my problems, it didn’t because I felt like God hated me.
“I opened up to other Catholics about my struggles and I got criticized, shamed also demeaned. I just needed to repent, get over it, take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ and was told that it was a sin to think about suicide. Family told me to pray more and trust God more, they would tell me I would go to hell if I committed suicide but in the Bible the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.”
Besides my suicidal ideations and attempts, I have experienced panic attacks and somatoform disorders. The times that I have gone to the emergency room, my PCP and other doctors to get helpm most of them sent me away telling me to stop wasting their time (in so many words), because I don’t fit-the-bill. (I have a master’s degree and can manage my life (to some degree).
One nurse was especially infuriated because she was at the end of her shift and she walked me outside and told me not to tell anyone else that I was suicidal, I tried meditation but due to my racing thoughts I can’t pull myself through that yet. I also went through EMDR and ECT neither of them helped, I tried talk therapy numerous times but they couldn’t help me because I was completely silent even if I wanted to I couldn’t talk.
I have taken all kinds of antidepressant medication, I had severe side effects from medications and not one of them improved my symptoms. I think because I felt isolated and lacked a support system, my journey was much more difficult. I’ve been shunned by family, friends, Catholics and employers. I even got fired because of the side effects of an antidepressant medication made me shaky and lose 20 pounds within a short period of time and they thought I was on drugs. They were right, but not the same kind of drugs they were thinking.
“There is light at the end of the tunnel.“
CHAPTER. TWO:
"ANDI BAZAAR STORY"
I am 29 y/o, I have been fighting depression and anxiety since I was 10. My dad cheated on my mom and my parents divorced. I was bullied all the way from 4th grade till 8th grade. Everyone at my school hated me because I followed the rules and was what they thought to be a goody goody, my mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and her treatment is not making it better, just keeping cancer from growing. This means she can easily still lose the fight against cancer. I have attempted suicide twice and have each time managed to survive, everyone looks at me like a weak person who was not strong enough to overcome this horrible mental illness on his own.
How did I overcome this experience?
“I say this now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hold your hand to the wall and walk. You will make it, I have not yet fully overcome my trials but I can be strong and I will be strong. My family and friends need me, I will fight with my might and I know whoever else is struggling can do so too, help others by sharing a brief andpositive message.”
How did I overcome this experience?
“I have not overcome the stigma, but I believe I have found my prescription for healing. I still struggle to tell anyone my story, because of the stigma attached to it. I feel like it’s a dark secret because of how society looks at us with mental health challenges.”
Everyone’s prescription for healing is different, what works for one, won’t work for another. Find what works for you and remember you’re not alone and you’re not too far gone. If it’s a loved one who is struggling, be patient with them and yourself. Be a constant, non-judgmental presence.
CHAPTER. THREE:
"JWAN HÖFFLER CONWALL STORY"
I have heard many people describe the onset of mental illness often in their teens, for me my anxiety has always been there and always lots of it. I didn’t know there was any other way to be, unfortunately neither my parents nor teachers recognized my anxiety or my depression.
The anxiety led to real social problems for me because I was so keyed up all the time I would often bungle the complicated social rules and norms of kids and later (and worse) teenagers and then try to do it better or apologize because I was second guessing all of my behavior all the time.
I was known as the “crazy” kid at school, my recourse was often self enforced isolation. I would hide from all the other kids at school during breaks, as I got older I learned to lean into my “crazy” kid persona making it more of a badge of honor but that strategy works really well with teenagers and not so well in the workplace. So in fear I resorted to hiding and avoiding all social interaction at work, I didn’t want anyone to know that I wasn’t “normal."
It took a long time for me to realize that I was applying the words “crazy” and not “normal” to myself. So really, I found that the person who was stigmatizing my mental illness the most was me!
How did I overcome this experience?
“Realizing that I was stigmatizing my own mental illness came late to me, I was in my mid twenties. Part of that was getting effective treatment, in my case medication and talk therapy.”
Two things helped me to realize that I don’t have to be ashamed, my therapist and the podcast “The Hilarious World of Depression.” — having someone tell me that I have nothing to be ashamed of, helped me discover that talking to people around me honestly about my mental illness has really made me feel like I don’t have to hide.
Talking about my mental illness has really helped me, people have told me they respect my honesty are often surprised and have questions. Many have come out to me about their mental illness and then we all get to be a little less alone and a lot less shamed.
On "World Mental Health Day," seek happiness wherever you can find it, do something that has meaning to yo. Some times the simplest things can make a difference, get help if you need it or you may find the hope you seek in helping someone else.
Happy "World Mental Health Day," no one should struggle in silence. Let us continue to spark the conversation on mental health awareness and fight back against stereotypes.
