BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR SHIT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS

Written by Andi Bazaar | Saturday. May 21, 2022

I haven't spoken much about mental health lately, but it's a topic that is important to me. I want to talk about the power of the stories we tell ourselves because learning how this can affect every aspect of one's life has led me to change mine in a drastic way.

Many of us are so "lucky" as to come to some critically important major life-decision kind of juncture in our lives as a result of a difficult life experience, trauma, a health-related wake up call or similar. Mine happened 10 years ago, in early 2012.

Like we do during these times, I went to see a firend of mine, dove into out of nowhere and spent a lot of time writing also rewriting my future vision and ate a lot of ice cream. I came away from that time with new eyes, goals and a significantly better understanding of myself.

Ok, good, right? I also made some big changes like: changed jobs, started storm chasing, created a local type 1 diabetes community group, etc. I started looking ahead more than looking back, I found new ways to ask for what I wanted in life and those things started to come but what I realize now is that I hadn't fully pieced together the complete story.

“I spent years trying to talk people into taking me chasing with them, but it took me until I was almost 22 to actually start chasing myself why?”

So I decided to dissect my own story once more, examining some of my internal messaging revealed that I've been telling myself for 20+ years that chasing was too dangerous, I needed to go with experts and that "my family wouldn't approve." What a crapload of bs!

At the end of the day, I was the only one deciding I was incapable of doing something. I was also the only one with the power to change that story, so I did.

In 2013, I decided I had spent enough time ignoring myself and I didn't have anyone to chase with so I just went out and chased on my own.

I've made (a lot of) mistakes, I eaten some questionable food and done some questionable things but holy shit I've never wanted anything so badly also slowly I've fulfilled a dream I wasn't truly conscious I even had until I was living it. We are so unaware of the power of our stories.

I don't think I even realized the power of my own story until I was standing in front of my best friends talking about my path to chasing for that one I wanted and watching his face change as I spoke.

I realized then that while my story was surely about being a man who chases, it’s also about the fact that I got to consciously choose what my story was in the first place. “Isn’t that inspiring?” Yeah, totally but wait — that also means that I’m completely responsible for the stories I tell myself and others and if don’t like it guess what, I’ve got to be the change. Yeah. If you’re slowly wilting inside, join the club.

"being responsible for our shit is a pain in the ass, isn't it?"

I haven’t lived happily ever after because we all know that’s bs, choosing a passion and then changing your life to center around it is not always easy as you all know but I’ll tell you:

• the freedom of listening to myself.
• being aligned with my passion and knowing i’m on a path to finally figuring out what my real purpose is here is freaking worth the trouble.

It's truly amazing how the stories we tell ourselves can be so insidious and limiting, it's worth doing the work to find your stories, the good and the bad and being your own change to bolster or eradicate them because we only get one go at this.

Let’s explore again taking care of someone whose mental health is suffering, it is a topic that comes up very often because it is really hard to be a caregiver for someone whose mental health is not doing well. It can easily affect the caregiver’s mental health too.

One of the main things that can be hard to deal with is being there for someone and seeing them not improve or get worse despite the support system they have, it is important to set realistic expectations. We can’t treat someone or help someone recover ourselves.

They absolutely need to go for professional treatment through meds or therapy as well. It is not that we are not helpful but because mental health issues are really hard and take time and a tailored treatment plan to be able to get better.

It is also important to remember that we can’t force anyone to go for treatment, this is a question I get every time. "How do I nudge or have someone go to treatment?" — the best we can do is encourage them and ask them from time to time to explore treatment.

However, if they are not ready there is not much we can do. Sometimes, it could be because they had a bad experience with a mental health professional or they are simply afraid to go through the process. The best we can do is reassure them and hopefully one day they choose to.

Also, it is important as a caregiver to be there on the terms of the person who is not feeling well. We can’t force them to do something or have our help conditional on something, if we choose to be there for them we help them on their terms.

It is also important as a caregiver to put your mental health first, we can easily feel hopeless and stuck when we are trying to help someone and that can lead to our own anxiety and depression. We can’t push more than our energy allows us to, we have to take breaks.

We may feel guilty or the person being helped may make us fee guilty but the truth is we just can’t be there 24/7 for someone, it will quickly take a huge toll and burn us out. If we have been taking care of someone for a while and they haven’t explored treatment,

We may feel as though we don’t know what to do anymore and it is okay to retreat and say that we are not feeling well and we don’t know how to help anymore also encourage them one last time to go to treatment before stopping that help.

It is a hard endeavour to be there for someone who struggles with their mental health, there is no need to feel guilty if you need to withdraw to protect yourself as well. You tried your best and were there for someone for a long time, that’s already more than most would do.

Balancing our mental well-being with helping someone balance their own struggle is really tough, it is important to set up boundaries, goals and what to do if the situation doesn’t change long term. High five to all the caregivers out there who are trying their best!

Don’t wait until you’re almost 30 to do what moves you, go buy a funny shirt, get in your own shit and go chase.