BEAUTIFUL TRAUMA

LOVE IN A TIME OF ILLNESS

Sean Lucca-freimann Schofield during our first interview, said:

“First of all, I wanna thanks to Andi Bazaar for creating this space to allow people dealing with anxiety and depression find help. My journey was born out of healing from the mental health and today I am grateful I am healed.”

I wrote about this extremely tough year which broke me, dealing with the worst mental health I’ve had and healing from it using a variety of different habits. It does not make for great prose, but it was my year.

I remember praying myself out of depression, when I felt like I couldnt talk to anyone, I physically wrote letters to God. Sounds strange but thats how my healing took place. No one will understand mental health the way you experience it, so deal with it the best way you know how.

I have struggled with my mental health since childhood. What helps me is connecting back to the land-mind, body, spirit and emotions. Healing is a lifelong journey, my experiences are my struggles but they are also my gifts. and I’m grateful to be here.

“Sharing my story with others allowed me to see that my experience with anxiety wasn’t something I had to be ashamed of, I wasn’t alone. This is the assurance and validation I want students to find in my classroom.”

"Speaking your truth and destigmatizing mental health is really important. The more that I’ve been truthful, open and vulnerable about what my experiences have been also what they are that’s the most healing thing in the world."

Healing is painful work, I offer this advice to anyone on this journey as someone whose come dangerously close to losing my private battles with my own mental health.

• Listen to that inner environment been silenced, they will guide you back to yourself and truth.
• Listening to your inner environment will mean confronting painful truths about many people in your life, it could mean painful realizations about yourself-and the identity you’ve formed to survive. It can unveil ugly truths about our world but, it’s important and loving work.

WHAT HELPS YOUR MENTALHEALTH AND HEALING?

“For me: being in nature, poetry, music also engaging in social justice-oriented activities nurture my self-compassion and healing coping responses to suicidality, traumas plus eating disorder cognitions.”

I’m so ashamed to do nothing with my life because all I can focus on is healing from my mental health issues, I want to be successful but I can’t it’s so frustrating. I’m in constant sadness and rage when I see people of my age or younger achieving big things I feel so jealous and again so ashamed to feel that way. The hardest thing with depression is watching the world go by without me I’m in this state since I have 15, it’s a huge part of my life and it’s just suffering

“Reminding myself to not compare myself to others when it comes to learn code, I’m dealing and actively healing my mental health issues and sometimes it all becomes too overwhelming for me.”

3 yaers ago, my dad said “what if you write about your anxiety?” — I said “that sounds terrible.”

And it was, but also healing and beautiful and for anyone who struggles with mental health or loves someone who does writing helped me navigate healing years ago and it remains a vital part of maintaining my mental health. Poetry often helps me express deep emotions like nothing else can.

TO MY MENTAL HEALTH WARRIORS OUT THERE, I SEE YOU:

“I know you’re struggling, I know it’s hard but you’re not a broken toy to be fixed. You’re on a healing journey, rooted in self compassion and self discovery.”

REMINDERS TO YOURSELF:

• I hope you make that commitment to better your mental health and not stigmatize the steps whatever they may be, you take in order to do that.
• I hope you can reflect on your past and look to your future-self with the same compassion and empathy that you offer to others around you.
• I hope you strive to get yourself out of situations and spaces that impact your mental health.
• I hope that you not only put yourself in safe spaces, but also create them for others around you “YOU ARE ENOUGH.”

This is my method of assisting with my own mental health and well-being:

“We all have feelings, acknowledging them, (self-awareness), caring about them (self-kindness) and talking about them (self-healing) helps to support your daily wellness. Remember you are not alone and support is always there, be brave and act when it comes to your health. You matter!”

I am tired, but I won’t stop growing. That is what mental health healing teachs me:

• I change my route
• I improvise my ways
• I remove obstacles
• I let the people go
• I receive the bullets
• I fall, I heal, I bounce back: I’it just that, it won’t stop me from living.’

Yesterday, I made one of the biggest decisions in my life which was to put my mental health first. I’m terrified, excited, nervous because I have no idea what to expect in the future,but I know I made the right decision and I’m looking forward to the next chapter in life: 'healing.'

One of the most healing realisations I’ve had on my mental health journey is that I don’t need to contribute anything to “deserve” to live, that’s not how a capitalistic society wants you to feel but I’m giving myself permission to just exist.

And so as a young man telling this story, I am still faced with disbelief. People will ask me why I keep talking about it when its in the past, when I’ve been 'free' for so many years. I keep talking because it could happen to anyone and my experiences may help.

It was “World Mental Health Day on Sunday and I held off talking, mental Health isn’t just something that needs discussed one day or month a year amd its a 365 day thing. We should all be free to talk about our experiences all the time.

My experience of abuse destroyed my mental health and nearly destroyed me, but there has been healing.

• I no longer bottle up my feelings
• I don’t hide from the truth
• I own my mistakes
• I won’t go quietly into the night

I should probably put a blog together at some point about the storyline, I’ve just got to make sure I’m in a good place when I do.

Anxiety, panic attacks and depression have always been my hardest battles to come fight. It’s mental health week, let’s care for our self’s, loved ones, and our neighbors.

“Let’s spread love and healing to those who are fighting with mental health and prays for the ones we’ve lost to it.”

It’s been a rough year and a half (for everyone), but this morning I finally saw my doctor about anxiety issues I’ve been dealing with for a while now and I hoping this is the start of brighter path.

I understand how important having time to yourself is, your mental health getting “me time.” You need moments to yourself sometimes, just you no one else. I’ve definitely learned that during my time of healing from passing it helps but I’m still going through it.

“You have permission to rest, you are not responsible for fixing everything that is broken. You do not have to try and make everyone happy, for now take time for you. It’s time to replenish.”