a Cure for Minds Unwell
Written by Andi Bazaar, Mark J. Levstein, Yevhn Gertz, Scott Wynné Schofield and “introducing” Kurt Müller | Jan 12, 2024
I have been receiving a few messages that ask me, "how do I treat people that I don’t agree with or whose values are vastly different than mine?" To be honest, I have done therapy with misogynists, racists, homophobic individuals and so on.
When you see a racist, homophobic, violent occurrence please don’t blame mental illness. That’s not how people with mental illness behave, statistically those with mental illness are less violent than ”normal people” Being a bad person is not a category in psych!
Please stop blaming violence, sexism, racism, homophobia on mental health. I have said often but mental illness doesn’t cause this, this is people making these choices. All we do is stigmatize mental illness and remove responsibility from these individuals making these choices.
We like to believe that these actions are those of sick people. We keep saying, they are crazy or mentally ill because we are scared of what it means when “normal” people engage in these behaviours but this is also what keeps people suffering silent. This stigma needs to stop!
There are many people who invalidate those who share their experiences about mental health, no one wants to look cool by having a mental illness. It is literally a nightmare to go through it on a daily basis, learn from people who share this and hope that you never go through it!
We need to reduce/eliminate our use of ADHD, OCD, depression, etc in a casual setting. These are very complex mental health issues, being restless doesn't mean we have ADHD, being organized doesn't mean we have OCD. They contribute to the stigmatization of mental illness.
People are saying how those with mental illness are strong as a compliment. Unfortunately, it is just survival. Without streamlined treatment and changing how our societies perceive it, we will be forced to continue being “strong” in order to survive. Treatment is what’s needed!
When referring to our mental health, it is important to say I have depression/anxiety/trauma than say I am depressed because we slowly start to internalize it as part of our identity. Our mental illness is not a part of us. It is something we can have and can get rid of!
It can be helpful to think of our anxiety or depression as an external parasite that feeds on those thoughts or emotions. We are not our illness, those changes in mood, loss of memory/productivity aren’t permanent. It doesn’t mean the real us is gone, it is important to remember that!
As a general rule, it is important to remember that if something is not appropriate to say to someone who is physically illness, it will be the same with mental illness. Things like “others have it worse” is so invalidating and doesn’t help whatsoever besides adding guilt!
One of the most stigmatizing ways that people around us treat those with mental illness is removing their agency, parents and others start treating the person as if they are helpless and cannot be independent. They push through many boundaries that they would never with others.
I have been receiving a few messages that ask me, "how do I treat people that I don’t agree with or whose values are vastly different than mine?" To be honest, I have done therapy with misogynists, racists, homophobic individuals and so on.
While I completely disagree with those values, at the end of the day, we cannot pick and choose who we treat and who we leave out. Can you imagine if you go to a doctor and they don’t treat you because they don’t like you? Here, I express my personal views more.
However, it doesn’t mean that just because we don’t agree, that you are less human or deserve treatment less.
Let’s talk about our first topic:
⚠️TW: Privileged, Race, Gender, Sexuality⚠️
I think men have very very few hardships because they are men that are not caused, celebrated, defended and or perpetuated by other men because they are men.
More men are murdered! Yes. By other men (and not usually for being men)
- Men do more dangerous jobs! Yes, they also systematically exclude women from those roles and the companies, (owned by men) lobby against workplace safety regs because money and not pussies or whatever.
- Men work more hours! No. *Paid* hours. Women work more hours whether they perform some of them for a wage or not and men are more likely to do full time wage work because parenting is for girls and its easier to breadwin when you’re paid 20-45% more for showing up with a dick.
- Men pay more taxes! As a class, yes but obviously you pay more taxes if you work more paid hours and get paid more for them. That’s how taxes work, I thought math was your thing.
Also if you don't support subsidized child care and pay parity you're not actually mad about this, men get screwed in divorce court! No you don't. Stop it.
- Men never get custody! Not true, but if you didn't parent much when you had help it seems weird to think you'd do it better by yourself
PS — Child support is not an access fee, why are you bitter about feeding your child.
- Men are drafted! Well, you're not but a 79% male congress reauthorized U.S. Selective Service registration in 2002.
- 75% male in 2016 when they voted to continue keeping women from registering. Oh and guess who's sending you to war? (we've literally never even been authorized!)
- Men are drafted! Well, you're not, but a 79% male congress reauthorized US Selective Service registration in 2002.
- 75% male in 2016 when they voted to continue keeping women from registering. Oh and, guess who’s sending you to war? (we’ve literally never even been authorized!)
- Men are more likely to suffer from untreated mental illness? Yes, true, in large part because toxic masculinity has stigmatized men having feelings or seeking help which is both awful and also embraced, celebrated and fiercely defended by a culture controlled and policed by men.
- Men commit suicide more often? Ok, so this is a very morbid competition but the reality is that women attempt suicide nearly twice as often, however suicide attempts made by men are more often lethal because they're more likely to use catastrophically violent methods (read: guns)
- Men are more likely to be incarcerated? Well, to be fair, Per/BJS, men commit 89% of homicides, 99% of rapes, 87% of robberies, 77% of assaults.
Still, the total U.S. incarcerated population is ~75/25 men to women. Women do time, but less of it because usually nonviolent offenses.
Far too many people, men and women, particularly non-white people are incarcerated in the U.S. and far too many for disproportionately, inhumanely long periods of time. The criminal justice system needs to be rebuilt ground up and I’m not even here willing to argue that its fair.
So that's a start, bad things do happen to men but rarely *because* they are men and it helps to remember that the existence of privilege is not contingent on the absence of hardship.
"are men afraid women will laugh at them?" yes, but women are afraid men will kill them!
I am so glad to talk this with Kurt Müller sister perpective. This "First among Equals" mindset is regressive and has to go, else all the talk or chatter of equal opportunity or inclusiveness or gender equity can be thrown out of the fucking window!
I find it very disturbing that a very large section of the media in England is asking questions of a girl who played by the laws of the game and none at all of another who was gaining an illegal advantage and was a habitual offender, that includes reasonable people and I think.
It is a cultural thing, the English thought it was wrong to do so and because they ruled over a large part of the cricket world they told everyone it was wrong. The colonial domination was so powerful that few questioned it, as a result the mindset still is that what England considers wrong should be considered wrong by the rest of the cricket world much like the "line" the Aussies say you must not cross having decided what the line should be which is fine in their culture but may not be for others.
The rest of the world is no longer obligated to think the way England does and so we see what is so plainly wrong, so too the notion that turning tracks are bad but seaming tracks are fine. The reason I say it is cultural is that it is what they are brought up to think, they don’t think it is wrong.
The problem arises and we are guilty of it too, when people sit in judgement of each other’s approach. England wants the rest of the world not to like running out batters at the non-striker’s end and have been vitriolic and abusive towards Deepti and others who have done it, we come hard too asking others to wake up from centuries old colonial slumber.
The easiest thing is to play by the laws of the game and stop worrying about subjective interpretation of the spirit of the game, stop forcing opinions on others. The law says the non-striker must be behind the crease till the bowler's arm is at its highest point.
If you obey that, the game will move along smoothly. If you point fingers at others, like many in England have at Deepti you remain open to questions asked of you. It is best if those in power or who were in power. Stop believing that the world must move at their bidding as in society where judges implement the law of the land, so too in cricket but I remain disturbed by the vitriol directed towards Deepti. She played by the laws of the game and criticism of what she did must stop!
I’d caveat that there may well be cognitive and behavioural traits that are innate and overlap with gender stereotypes but I suspect the underlying problem is that people treat these feelings in an essentialist, magical way.
HERE IS A QUESTION TO ASK THOSE PROMOTING GENDER AFFIRMATIVE CARE
"please provide high grade evidence that a child has an immutable gender identity?"
There is none, but "there are" decades of empirical evidence that a child's sense of their own gender is in constant flux. Every child goes through massive developmental changes as they mature. see Piaget, Kohlberg, Erikson etc. The evidence is clear but has been set aside.
"why would a child's sense of their own gender remain static while all other aspects of their body, mind, brain develop?"
For work with gender dysphoric children to be evidence based, child development theory must be at the center of any approach. It must be paired with trauma informed practice and psychotherapeutic interventions, so the child can come to better understand gender constructs.
They can then learn that gender is an external, oppressive social construct and that trying to opt out of "assigned" gender structures IS a rational response. Particularly when gendered oppression has taken the form of homophobia, sexual-abuse and other adverse childhood events but being encouraged to harm your own body in order to relieve gender trauma is not an evidenced-based approach.
It further traumatises the child when they need compassion and support and pretending to children that changing gender will "heal" sexual and other trauma is untrue. An approach that encourages children to believe that their sense of gender is innate/immutable is flawed and has no high grade reputable evidence to back it up. It is an ideological stance which needs to be questioned and challenged.
I personally do not like spreading hate online and has never done it myself, I have no choice but to use social media to spread awareness of my current situation.
All social media platforms need to take tougher action against those who decide to use them to spread hate because there is no room for racism and it has to stop!
No one should be allowed or encouraged to use their platform on social media to spread hate, but love. If you don't like them, no need to brag too much negativity.
Q's is, "why not use social media to spread light and kindness?" and "why do people use it to spread hate?"
If you’re a hater in any kind of way whether it be homophobic, transphobic, racist or any kind of hate please educate yourself. The world has no more room for that morons. Love, acceptance and support is the only thing I tolerate.
My name’s Kurt Müller and I’m 21 from Dublin. I currently live between the U.K. and the United States.
I love sports, reading and socializing with friends. I began modeling in Australia when I was undertaking some trips after graduating from University.
I started in Australia and ever since I’ve been fortunate enough to have traveled all over through my kind of job. New York, LA, Peru, Costa Rica, Thailand, Monaco are few of the places I’ve visited. Hopes for the future are to keep increasing my professional profile, working with great photographers and traveling.
Q: Taking things back to the very beginning, tell me how it all materialized for you?
A: "I modeled whilst at University, but it seriously started as a job in Australia after I lived there for a couple of years. I was scouted by my mother agent, Leea and then it all went from there."
Q: 3 words that describe your best self are?
A: "Driven, Generous, Kind."
Q: How do you react to trolling and online criticism?
A: "It depends on the sort of criticism. Most of the time, I tend to ignore as there’s no point using energy in responding to 99% of it. On occasion, I have replied to some, if they are way off the mark. I try and have an open dialogue and listen to opinions and then explain mine.
Q: What are your thoughts in regard to the whole Instagram thing?
A: "I don’t think I’m addicted to social media but Instagram is how I express myself and get out my thoughts. It’s the only way I talk to people due to my mental illnesses, so my anxiety is being heightened, change is hard. It’s frustrating, I’m really stressed about this. Man, I temember when iI was stressing over my Instagram thinking it was gonna die if I'd stop being active on it and now I haven't posted in ages and I log in to message some friends and deadass nothing changed. My thoughts about social media are changing a lil bit."
Q: How do you feel about talking us through how you perceive your identity? Do you feel you’re almost required to put on a whole different facet when interacting with your e-users online?
A: Identity is important to people and understanding identity means understanding how to influence people and understanding how humans work socially, particularly in a modern age. Also, I highly doubt such majors like gender/feminist studies are useless like everyone says.
HERE’S WHY
— These are essentially advanced branches of philosophy in a modern age, we praise aristotle, Plato and other philosophers as founding our philosophical view of the world, so why are people that discuss the human identity nowadays revered so poorly? If we look at those philosophers lives vs the norm at the time, I bet that they were bashed for discussing “useless information” and looking “too deeply.” — So why are we so mad at people who study topics of what are inherently philosophical, when it affects our lives every day?
Q: What has changed your life more, being a furry or social media and how has it impacted your life?
A: Twitter can become a bit toxic sometimes but generally it helps in fostering relationships outside one's own circle, broaden the horizon and have more meaningful conversations but the last part normally happens outside Twitter.
- Social media is having a dramatic toll on the mental health of young girls, there has been a huge increase in rates of suicide and self-harm. Frequent social-media use was associated with decreased mental health and well-being, as measured by responses to questions about psychological distress, life satisfaction, happiness and anxiety.
- Social media seemed to have a stronger impact on girls. "For 10 years I specialised in treating eating disorders and literally every single one of hundreds of teenage patients mentioned social media as a contributing factor. Every. Single. One."
- Social media has led to a tripling of self-harm among pre-teens in the U.S. and a 150% rise in suicides, #SocialDilemma reveals.
The "horrifying" epidemic emerged after kids became exposed to sites such as Facebook and Twitter on their phones a decade ago. A third of girls and young women will not post selfies online without using a filter or app to change their appearance while a similar proportion have deleted photos with too few “likes” or comments, research has found.
Spread as much kind, encouraging, life-giving, reassuring, appreciating words as much as you can while being authentic. You never know how people would be impacted positively by your words, social media and society is a cruel and dark place but we can be the light.
Q: Who would you like to be remembered for?
A: “I’d like to be remembered having supportive parents is my biggest blessing. I often think about my relationship with my parents being drastically different than my siblings, more specifically my brother (Shawn & Thomas). I see my brothers post about how supportive they are and how accepting they are and its like damn I’d love to have your version of them not that they aren’t great but they don’t have the same patience as they have of them and there are moments where I realize that loving me as their son is more conditional. I love how my parents are happy and supportive of me being who I wanted to be in this world.”
Q: What’s the wisest lesson you’ve learnt being in the industry?
A: “My dad told me once: "The only way to learn is to fail." Yeah, I agree! It’s not the ONLY way to learn. You can learn from other people’s mistakes. A wise person learns from their own mistakes, a smart person learns from the mistakes of others. A failure is a lesson if you’ve learned something from it. If you never fail, You never tried. If you want to grow you will make mistakes. If you stay in your comfort zone you will never reach your goals.”
Q: Essentials to bring along your travels for a last-minute job are…
A: “Headphones, a book, sunglasses.”
A SPECIAL THANKS TO:
- Andi Bazaar (Writer)
- Mark J. Levstein (Co-Editor/Co-writer)
- Yevhn Gertz (Director Photography/Co-writer)
- dr Oliver Schofield, MD (Consulting)
- dr Seth Gryffen, MD (Consulting)
- dr Khaan, MD (Consulting)
- Timothée Freimann schofield (Photographed)
- Clayton Euridicé Schofield (Editor/Journalist)
- Scott Wynné Schofield (Publicist/Co-writer)
- Henrie Louis Friedrich (Analyst)
- Jwan Höffler Conwall (Art Interior Design)
- Hugo-licharré Freimann Schofield (Ass Director/Co-writer)
- Shot at GQ’s Studios by José Schenkkan and Benjamin Schenkkan Joseph
- In appearance by "Kurt Müller" (Model/Co-writer)
- In collaboration with "The Me You Can’t See UK" (TMYCSUK) / @tmycsuk
